Does relationship therapy mean the end

[Loxylou13]

My husband and I have been together for 16 years, married for nearly 7 and we have a 2yr old son. On the outside our life probably looks great. But inside i feel like we are breaking.
I think we both have unresolved post natal depression following the traumatic birth of our son during covid, which meant my husband was not allowed to visit us during a week long hospital stay.
Our son also has a huge parental preference for me. At times, He actively goes out of his way to tell Daddy not to come near him, hits and kicks him. He can never do bedtime as it leads to my son pretty much having a panic attack.
This has really affected our relationship. I am exhausted. My husband is physically sad and thinks DS doesn’t like him. I think he DH has started to resent me because of it.
this morning tipped me over the edge when we discussed going to my parents for Easter weekend. DH suggested I go alone. He stays at home with DS so I am unavailable. He also doesn’t really like my parents so another win for him.
I think this looks really bad and also I have family like my nan and aunt who will want to see DH and DS. I feel like this could be the beginning of the end as its us starting to live separately.
I think my husband needs to talk to someone about his feelings but is relationship threrapy another step down the path that ends with us splitting up?
I don’t want that. My husband used to be my best friend, i just feel like i am losing him

Gosh that sound so tough. I don't think relationship therapy marks the end, no. I think it can be really helpful.

For what it's worth I also think your husband and son spending time together without you there could be a really good thing.

It's tough for both of you, in different ways.

Thank you, that perspective means a lot.
Yes I have suggested they spend time together just the two of them but when DS plays up, DH just says its a disaster and comes home in a mood. For example DH did swimming lessons for a bit but DS played up when DH was getting him changed a few times and DH said its a disaster and I have to come to help.
I’m going to work late a couple of times this week so DH has to do nursery pick up and bedtime and see how that goes. Wish us luck

That is very sad. I think your husband should love from your son despite the reaction from him. There is no other way. He has to show that he is reliable and his friend and is fun.

Well that explains some of it then. Maybe it would be better for your DH to seek therapy on his own. It sounds like he's a bit anxious and relies on you. This isn't fair on you or your son.
The baby is likely very aware of this too.

No it most certainly doesn't, and for what its worth your problems are in no way surmountable. Give it a go...and also reassure your husband that your son is normal and this is a healthy attachment stage, which he needs to just keep on plodding through, providing a role as dad and man for your son to gravitate towards...
There is a fab book, albeit quite old now but its by John Cleese and robin someone and its called children and how to survive them, I think, and to really explains stuff sooooo well... look on world of books?

No, but I do think the healthiest approach to therapy is to go in hoping that you can work things out, or else come to an understanding that you'd be better apart.

I can see why your husband is upset though. I would have been devastated if my kids didn't seem to like me.

There used to be a great show on years ago called "the house of tiny tearaways"...anyone remember that?

They would get a few families to stay with kids with various issues, such as extremely fussy eaters or there were families were the kids seemed to really dislike one of the parents. The psychologist would work with them and make great strides over the course of the week or so they were there in trying to build the relationship so it's definitely doable and fixable with the right methods.

The doctors name was Dr. Tanya Byron, she has written a few books, not sure if she wrote about how to handle that particular issue but it's worth a look.

Yes I have suggested they spend time together just the two of them

As far as I remember one of the main approaches was for the parent the child liked to really involve the other and not let the other be pushed out.

Our son also has a huge parental preference for me. At times, He actively goes out of his way to tell Daddy not to come near him, hits and kicks him

So with that kind of thing you'd be really nice to your partner and show him a lot of affection etc. in front of your child rather than make a fuss over your child.

I remember one episode where there was a little girl who seemed to really dislike her mother...and when her dad started to do that the little girl was shocked and horrified (bless her 😂) but she seemed to come round in the end.

Id go for it
hunans sometimes need some help navigating
and sounds like both decent - but lost and could do with some help and support

I’d get referrals and recommendations

I’ve been watching the couples therapy programme on bbc iplayer , loved series 3

DS played up when DH was getting him changed a few times and DH said its a disaster and I have to come to help.

Whatever you do, do not facilitate this pathetic cop-out. If you swoop in to rescue your DH now, you will always be called on to swoop in and rescue. No. He has to crack on. Getting two year Olds dressed after swimming is shit. It's shit for everyone. He doesn't get to opt out by being pathetic.