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Original poster

Kissing and first date

21 replies

gerbilcrocus · 02/04/2023 07:08

My first OLD dates tend to be coffee shop meet ups for a hour or so, just so we can assess basic compatibility - at least they're my expectations- and I never do more than peck on the cheek, if that, even if it's gone well. It never seems to cause an issue in terms of getting second dates etc if there's chemistry there, but I see so many comments saying "did you kiss" on a first date, it makes me wonder if my first date expectations differ from the norm? Is it generally expected that you'll go in for a proper kiss on a first date if you feel an attraction and I've been appearing stand-offish?

OP posts:

HollyBollyBooBoo · 02/04/2023 08:04

Doesn't matter what others think it's what you're comfortable with. If you don't want to kiss don't. Others will be going back to their home or a hotel and having sex, doesn't mean you should be.

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 02/04/2023 08:17

I never kissed on a first date either and it never caused any issues. I think most people generally do, but don't be influenced by what is considered 'normal'.

I met my DP through OLD about 5 years ago and it was at least 4 dates before we kissed.

MojoJojo71 · 02/04/2023 08:24

There is no ‘normal’, the amount of physical contact is up to you.

For me personally physical attraction is very important and if I don’t really want to at least kiss him then there’s probably not going to be a second date. I’ve had sex on first dates before and that’s my ‘normal’ but it doesn’t have to be yours.

You set your own boundaries. If a man has a problem with that he’s not the man for you.

Toddlerteaplease · 02/04/2023 08:30

I've never understood how you can kiss someone you don't know!

Zanatdy · 02/04/2023 08:31

First date with an ex colleague we went for a drink. We knew each other obviously quite well anyway but he just gave me a quick peck (on the lips, so not a colleague kiss) and walked off really fast. It made me laugh as I felt like a teenager. Then the 2nd date (2wks later) we held hands across the table in the pub and he gave me a peck on the lips again as he got up to go to the toilet but on the way to the station I just dragged him into a shop doorway and we had a proper snog! Lol. I think he was being respectful and not sure if to overstep by kissing me properly so I decided to step in (I’d had a few drinks). We didn’t sleep together until 5wks after date 1, largely due to kids and Christmas getting in the way. Even then he said I could stay in one of the kids beds if I didn’t feel comfortable. Very respectful I though, but not a chance I was staying in the kids bed after waiting 5wks!

GenuineNine · 02/04/2023 08:32

I never usually kiss on a first date, personal preference.

nc13467 · 02/04/2023 08:38

For me there aren't any"rules" to follow.

I generally dont kiss on first dates cos I don't feel like it. Either because there isn't enough chemistry (yet)/ I don't feel comfortable enough with them/ I don't fancy them enough/ it was a nice date but I'm unsure of potential/ I didn't enjoy the date - whatever the reason it doesn't matter.

However, (very) rarely I have a date and for whatever reason (usually chemistry) I really feel like kissing them there and then. So I do.

I just go with what feels right at the time. If you don't feel like kissing them then kiss them, if you don't then don't 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don't think you'll come across as stand off ish for not kissing on the first date.

Forfrigz · 02/04/2023 08:46

I don't think it is the normal I think if you're hearing people comment this thehre just being nosey or don't know what to add. I personally don't like to even if I'm attracted to them, it's not about being stand-offish it's about what I'm comfortable with and I'm never comfortable with kissing someone I've only just met no matter how much I like them. Ask yourself honestly what you're comfortable with and never measure yourself against the same for others.

gogohmm · 02/04/2023 09:08

Personal preference, chaste kiss on first date, a lot less chaste on second (still public place, I have limits) third was at my house

ChristmasFluff · 02/04/2023 14:03

I don't count the coffee shop/walk/lunchtime drink screening meet-ups as a date. They really are just a screening thing - is this person worth giving up an entire evening for?

So I'm never going to kiss someone I've known for an hour or so max.

I often kiss on the first date itself.

Eatentoomanyroses · 02/04/2023 14:05

I never kissed on a first date from old. They’re strangers and I treated us as a quick meet and greet. Always got second dates pretty much

Mari9999 · 02/04/2023 14:11

This thread reminds me of conversations that my friends and I had in early high school days.
OP, as with most things, you should trust your own judgement and instincts.

winterbegone · 02/04/2023 14:25

Coffee shops aren't an appropriate place to snog a dates face off, depends where you are, a first date at a bar or probably outside, then I would, if it was going well. However even then if you don't want to, it doesn't matter what others do.

highfidelity · 02/04/2023 14:27

If it feels right, I'd rather kiss someone sooner rather later. No way am I wasting my time going on several dates with someone, only to find out they are a terrible kisser five dates in.

Spottycarousel · 02/04/2023 15:49

I've never kissed on the first date, never mind had sex.

That said, I've very rarely felt a strong level of attraction and the only times I have the guy didn't feel the same.

Each to their own. Just be aware that if you move quickly the guy might feel they've got what they wanted and lose interest. Fine if you're ok with that but if you want a ltr you might wish to take things more slowly.

Chelsea26 · 02/04/2023 16:45

My now DP secured a second date by kissing me on the first!

I fancied him but he is quite shy and I was wondering if I could be bothered with a second date and doing most of the talking again.

Then as we walked to our cars he grabbed me and kissed me and I thought “Oh hello! He does not kiss like a shy man.”

So glad he did because he’s delightful

PousseyNotMoira · 02/04/2023 16:53

but I see so many comments saying "did you kiss" on a first date

Are you in Grease? 😂

I have never kissed anyone on the first date. They’re essentially a stranger at that point, and I don’t want to snog strangers.

Do what you feel like doing!

Notaboutthebass · 02/04/2023 17:20

I've had what seems like 100s of dates and only kissed about 4 on the first date, only because I felt comfortable. But normally I don't feel comfortable kissing a stranger. I like the build up first.

SuperGinger · 02/04/2023 17:30

I think I kissed on nearly every first date I ever went on or even before... but I am 47 and didn't do OLD and this coffee shop thing. If you don't like kissing the person there is no point.

eatdrinkandbemerry · 02/04/2023 17:36

Well I like a good kisser so wouldn't waste my time having multiple dates to be let down if they kissed awful 🤷‍♀️

MaryJean87 · 02/04/2023 17:39

I like a snog on a first date, if I'm fancying him and there's a spark. It's a good way of finding out if there's sexual chemistry. The way a person kisses or their breath smells ( not necessarily bad) can put me off a man so I don't want to waste time. I had sex on the first date with my husband and it left me wanting more.

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