I hope someone can advise me that I am not going crazy and paranoid. I suffer from anxiety and depression, I changed my medication last year. I am having IAPT therapy at the moment for my anxiety and constant worrying.
The change of tablets have made me feel stronger in some ways, like I am no longer prepared to be messed around like I used to be. But they are bringing up emotions in me that I feel were blocked out before and I am also feeling paranoid, in particular feeling that my friends are excluding me, not all of them but the ones I see more regular seem to be.
First of all, a friend I used to meet with every Sunday afternoon, obviously couldn’t meet me during lock down, but I thought when that time was over that she would meet me again on Sundays. But no, she now says she needs to spend weekends with her son, who is in his late thirties and doesn’t have any disabilities or anything. She will meet me when I am on leave from work but that’s not often. We speak on the phone every couple of weeks but it’s always me who has to ring her.
Another friend who I have known for nearly thirty years and we have always been close. She’s always been a bit difficult to please but we’ve always got along. Her husband unfortunately died in October last year. When he was ill she leaned on me a lot and wanted my support. But since his death she is getting closer to another friend of hers which is fair enough, I have more than one friend, but I feel she I excluding me by always telling me how brilliant this friend is with her and how supportive she is. Whenever I suggest meeting up she tells me it’s too cold or too far and she always wants me to go her end of the city, yet she meets this other friend halfway and fits in with her. We do keep in touch though.
Another friend who I met at work about seven years ago, we get on really well and have just been on holiday together but she was a bit snappy with me while we were away and was spending a lot of time scrolling on her phone yet told me off if I just looked at one message. Plus she’s another who only wants to meet now and again or cancels plans sometimes for no reason.
Am I reading too much into this? I am trying to be strong about it and have decided to leave it to them to make arrangements with me in future but it doesn’t stop me feeling isolated. I am divorced (twice), live alone and I am happy to live alone but I value friendships.