Aborted my baby and feel confused

[Wandxrlust]

So me and my OH haven’t been in a good place due to issues within the relationship. We have a 9 Mo and have been working on it. I got pregnant, I didn’t want the baby as I’m not ready to have another baby with him but I wouldn’t ever have considered abortion. But he straight up told me he defo doesn’t want it and then began trying to say it might not be his when it’s 1000000% his. His only saying this as he was saying we had sex a handful of times and I left him in January to go to my moms as I saw vids of him with other girls and nudes on his phone but came back after a few days. I got pregnant after that as I had a period in JANUARY after I had come back. According to the tracker I conceived beginning of feb. But we discussed and agreed to abort the baby because he was so adamant in not being able to support me with it. So we got the home treatment from the clinic yesterday and when I sat there with the pill I got super emotional and began reconsidering as I never thought I would do something like this and I was telling him how I feel and he started to get frustrated and I got upset and began crying and doubting the decision and he began getting ott and began saying stuff like “you don’t want to get rid of the baby because it’s someone else’s and you want to have his baby because you love him” etc bullshit like that which was making me sick! As NO! Im upset because I’m a mom and this is fucking hard for me not because this is someone else’s child. As NO ONE has ever fucking been near me and he is the unfaithful one but claims he hasn’t slept with anyone. This really upset me more because I would never cheat and I go to my moms once a week and just spend time with my family. I haven’t left my LB alone so he really thinks I left my baby and went to get fucked? He makes me sick. So sick but in the end I took the pill because I realised I don’t really don’t want to have another baby with him as much as I’m against abortion I just really can’t put myself in a situation where I have 2 babies with him. I rather just have the one we already do, it made me realise like I don’t deserve the cheating doubts I may not have been the best of people everyone messes up from time to time but I haven’t been unfaithful at all!! Down to the point where I knew he was but I still never even spoke to anyone or anything. Things are better between us don’t get me wrong but these doubts of me doing something that I know I haven’t are inexcusable..

Things are better between us don’t get me wrong

They can't be that good if only yesterday he was getting frustrated and annoyed at you when you were upset and about to have an abortion and still accused you of cheating on him.

It's very common for cheaters to project and start accusing their partner of cheating instead and he's been talking to other woman and sending/receiving nudes, get some respect for yourself OP you deserve much better and so does your 9 month old, this is not a healthy relationship.

I'm sorry if you weren't sure about the abortion, FWIW I think you made the right decision

This is a terrible relationship and having two babies with him under 2 years old would be incredibly difficult. Obviously termination is only your decision but having another baby will make your life so much harder.

I'm so sorry I missed the bit where it said you took the pill and thought you were still deciding. FWIW I think you made the right decision and you should end this terrible relationship.

He took advantage of your vulnerability and forced his views and nastiness on you. You probably won't be able to come back from it as you process what he's actually done.

You've made the right choice not wanting another kid with him. but he's shown his true colours now and there's no taking them back.

So sorry OP.

This is one of the most upsetting things I've read here.

Please realise that you need to get plans in place to leave, he's scum.
And even though it may not feel like it now, I promise you as someone who still feels conflicted about a termination from almost 20 years ago, you did the right thing.

But he is one massive bastard and you deserve and you LO deserves so much more.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. FWIW I think not having another baby with this abusive POS was the right thing to do, but you were coerced into it and that is awful.

Please find your strength to leave him, get some counselling to help you work through what happened and rebuild your life without him.

Absolutely this. I wanted to punch him, reading how he speaks to you. What a disgusting man. He doesn’t deserve anyone’s love. Please don’t have another child with him.

He is absolutely vile. I know you are upset, but having another baby with this piece of crap would only make things worse. You need to pack up and go back to your Mum this weekend and never come near this horrible excuse for a man again.

Saying you are cheating seems to be a really common nasty trick that men who are cheating pull a LOT.

I'm so sorry you are hurting so badly.

Please leave him. He is toxic. He will drag you down, he will continue to abuse you, you will become a shadow of yourself. You don't deserve this. Please tell someone in real life and get help to leave.

He' been really cruel and unkind to you when you needed his support.I am really sorry you had to go through this.Please try to think about distancing yourself from this nasty man, ending it.You deserve to be treated with respect.