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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Shall I tell him?

30 replies

loveyoutothemoon · 01/04/2023 13:23

I have a boyfriend of a few months. I've fallen in love with him. Everything is so easy. He always say he loves this, he loves that, about me all the time. Tells me I'm amazing and so special. No red flags so far.
Yesterday he saved the day for me. I hugged him tight and said 'I love you forever' he sounded thrilled and picked me up! Said the same.
But now in messages today he's gone back to saying things like 'this is the reason why I like you so much.'
After yesterday I really wanted to tell him properly that I love him.. I felt confident.. say that I meant it yesterday, not just because of what he did. But I'm scared of telling him now. I just can't keep it in any longer! But I'm not sure now!
Shall I do it when I see him later? I felt like yesterday it was a light hearted comment and want him to know I'm serious!
Thank you!

OP posts:
growgrowinggrown · 01/04/2023 13:26

Few months sounds quite soon so don't be hurt if he doesn't say it back to you.

If you really must id go with 'I know it's early days, but I think I'm falling in love with you, you don't have to say it back but I just want you to know where my head is'

God knows, hopefully someone with more experience in this will be along shortly to help you as I've never said it first so not sure I'm much help.

Watchkeys · 01/04/2023 13:28

I think that if you were really serious, you'd be able to speak your mind to your partner without having to consult a forum.

This isn't about what MN thinks. It's about your feelings for your partner. Say it when it feels right for you, not when forum advice says you 'should'.

You know best. If you're too scared right now, respect that. If he's the right partner for you, you will soon feel reassured and it will feel safe to say.

Original poster
loveyoutothemoon · 01/04/2023 13:28

Thank you. I told him a while back that I'd fallen for him and he said he felt the same, but it's not quite the same as I love you is it.

OP posts:
80s · 01/04/2023 13:32

"I felt like yesterday it was a light hearted comment"
That may be why he's being careful now.

If you've been seeing him regularly for a few months then it's a reasonable time to say it if you want. (I'd also say something about him not having to say it back, or just be prepared for it.)

It might feel odd making yourself vulnerable if you haven't done it before, but it is what makes a relationship honest and meaningful.

TwilightSkies · 01/04/2023 13:34

To be fair I think telling somebody you’ve only known a few months that you’ll love them forever is a bit…..much?

OneMoreCookieMonster · 01/04/2023 13:34

I would wait and see how it plays out. You've laid it out there and it sounds like he's been hitting that he has super strong feelings for you.

I'm sure it will naturally come up in conversation. I wouldn't force it. It may come off the wrong the way even though its something positive. Also, rejection hurts...you don't want to hear that he may not be there yet or he feels he has to say something he doesn't necessarily fully mean yet.

And a few months is still the honeymoon phase. Sit back and think about it. It will come in time when it's right. And, be wary, there's always a red flag or two. No one is perfect.

Good luck

DustyLee123 · 01/04/2023 13:36

You’ve already said you love him, it’s out there, I don’t understand your problem today 🤔

ElizabethinherGermanGarden · 01/04/2023 13:36

Just have a lot of sex and stop worrying. You are talking yourself out of something great for absolutely no reason. If you're worrying about this, you're being silly. It all sounds fine.

80s · 01/04/2023 13:36

Sounds to me like OP just wants to say she loves him, rather than that she is going to love him forever.

Original poster
loveyoutothemoon · 01/04/2023 13:40

Yes I just want to tell him I love him.

OP posts:
Winemygoodenemy · 01/04/2023 13:57

My DP told me he loved me after 3 months. I had strong feelings but wasn’t there yet. Took me another 2 months. My response to him was I am a slow burner and I have strong feelings. I am heading g that way, just need to get there in my own time so when I say it I mean it.

he was upset but waited. Comes at different times.

Original poster
loveyoutothemoon · 01/04/2023 14:00

Thank you to everyone.
He told his friends about me really soon and his mum after that. He's never told her about anyone before, since he split with his wife years ago.

OP posts:
Original poster
loveyoutothemoon · 01/04/2023 14:09

I also forgot to say, before he saved the day yesterday on a romantic walk, we kept stopping to hug, saying how happy we were etc, and I think he may have tried to say it, but stumbled on his words making it unclear. It said 'I love the way you hug, I love the way you are, I love the way you look at me, I love.... " and it sounded like I love you but he stumbled.

OP posts:
Opentooffers · 01/04/2023 14:10

You are putting a lot of importance in semantics, too much, you seem to be a tad obsessing about it. I'm falling for you is the same as " I'm falling in love with you". Hopefully you have met a good one as he is not blurting it out willy nilly and has confirmed he feels the same at all times you've touched on it.
Really words mean very little, anyone can say it without meaning it. God help you if you did meet someone who bands it around without feeling.
Actions could more and up to now it sounds like you have a lovely thing going, now why be so needy for the words at this early stage if his actions are showing you more. If he respects you and is considerate towards you, that's all you need for now. Your putting too much stock in words causing unnecessary worry.

Opentooffers · 01/04/2023 14:11

' actions count more'

twolilacs · 01/04/2023 14:27

You are making a storm in a teacup. Stop thinking about the 'I love you' bit, and just enjoy being with one another.

Dery · 01/04/2023 14:50

“You are making a storm in a teacup. Stop thinking about the 'I love you' bit, and just enjoy being with one another.”

This. Actions are far more important than words. It sounds like it’s all going very well and by getting hung up on this you’re risking creating a problem when there isn’t one.

NCMum79 · 01/04/2023 15:16

Bit off to the left of the main topic - But it's not always true re: actions. So many times i've seen people burned because it looks like a relationship and acts like one but there's no actual definition of it as a relationship. And, in the end, it isn't really one. It's exactly the same as calling it a relationship but there being no demonstrable actions. It's just - a reverse. Words and actions being consistent with one another is important.

Mari9999 · 01/04/2023 18:01

Some people are pretty careless in saying " I love you." I really doesn't matter to much when you say the words. What matters is when your actions affirm the words.

If your relationship is going well and you are both feeling good about the relationship , you are probably on the road to love. Saying or hearing the words won't mean very much until your actions and intentions demonstrate love.

Enjoy the ride that you are on and hopefully it is leading to a good destination.

pinkdelight · 01/04/2023 18:09

But now in messages today he's gone back to saying things like 'this is the reason why I like you so much.'

Well that's hardly the cold shoulder. Sounds like it's all going great and there's nothing to worry about or analyse and strategise over. Say what you feel if/when you're feeling it. Doesn't sound like there's any reason to be feeling insecure and if you can't relax and enjoy the moment with him now, perhaps it's not that amazing after all.

Opentooffers · 01/04/2023 21:15

Somewhere I'm wondering if it's quite normal to say, I love this and that about you on a daily basis in the first few months, in texts or otherwise. I might find it nice on the odd occasion, but if someone was saying it daily, it's a bit much, it's overdoing it. But then, would you be here saying that today he hasn't mentioned what he even loves about me?
Which he has, but I get the feeling that maybe you are craving affirmation daily, which is as wrong as giving affirmation daily - perhaps you are as insecure as each other.
The whole thing sounds a tad sickly sweet in a way. He's divorced, you are both old enough to have trodden a fair few paths in life. This is the stuff of young love. When older, it's a bit odd all round to be aiming for fairytale conversion on a daily basis. I can't decide who needs to get a grip here, I'd guess it's OP, but if he daily goes on about how great you are, well, it would give me the ick, I'd think love-bomber or all around saddo. Surely you are both too old for this to even be a thing - or are you much younger than him?

Aubree17 · 02/04/2023 06:52

Relax, you'll both get there.

Don't rush anything. It sounds like things are going great and it's just a matter of time until he says he loves you.

Just enjoy it!

Liz1tummypain · 02/04/2023 07:51

You could be overthinking this. If you need to tell him today then tell him. If you don't, then just carry on enjoying your time together

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 02/04/2023 08:35

What do you mean when you say he saved the day?

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