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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Struggling to live with sister

17 replies

Colorsoftherainbow · 01/04/2023 10:46

So my sister has come to stay with me whilst she finds somewhere to live. Her tenancy ended and the landlord wanted to rent it to a family member so she was evicted. She hadn’t found somewhere in time so I offered for her to stay with me until she does.
I have a toddler by the way so it’s me, my son and my sister. She’s been here 3 weeks now and we keep arguing.
I’m not sure what to do as I think we are both getting on each other’s nerves.
For example, this morning she was up and awake at the table having a coffee and my boy was smiling trying to communicate with her then she just completely blanked him and got up and walked in to the bedroom.
This pissed me off bcus I think it is quite rude and believe children should be treated consistently so I said something like ‘that’s not very nice.’ Then she goes ‘ah you don’t know how tired I am. I’m not in the mood to talk to anyone. I’ve had an awful night. I’m just going to leave.’ She has no where to go tbh so I feel like that is just an empty threat, but she was basically playing victim and not acknowledging the fact that ignoring someone is acc quite rude, regardless of how u feel.

There’s been other instances too where we were out shopping and as we were leaving a shop, she said ‘oh don’t forget your bag.’ The bag was right next to her and I was a few steps in front so said ‘can you just get it please.’ Then she looked at me really funny and I could tell she was pissed I asked her to grab my bag! When I mentioned this to her she started saying how I was treating her like a slave etc and that she would never dream of asking someone to do that for her.

I’m not sure what to do as everyday now it seems we are rubbing each other the wrong way. We haven’t lived together for several years although we are close, we are not used to being in the same house. Kicking her out is not an option as she has nowhere to go , so I guess I just have to ride it out but at the same time I want to find a way to live peacefully because I don’t like feeling frustrated:/

OP posts:
sanityisamyth · 01/04/2023 10:49

Her having nowhere to go is not your problem. She either behaves like an adult or she can move out.

Reinventinganna · 01/04/2023 10:49

Are you both very young?

Colorsoftherainbow · 01/04/2023 10:52

@sanityisamyth Yeah I get that but she has nowhere to go and I think she is stressed out about the whole situation. We both are.

OP posts:
Colorsoftherainbow · 01/04/2023 10:53

@Reinventinganna young adults yeah, I’m 20 she’s 24.

OP posts:
Ooonafoo · 01/04/2023 10:54

Your DC comes first.

He needs to be in a calm, peaceful, kind and respectful environment.

Even if nothing is said - he will sense that from you and then internalise that hurt and confusion which will make him insecure.

Do whatever it takes to ensure his emotional environment is safe, stable and predictable.

Pinkdelight3 · 01/04/2023 11:00

In both those examples she doesn't seem at fault tbh. Surely she can have some quiet time in a morning without interacting with your DC, people who don't have kids aren't as alive to their every mood as a parent will be and kids don't really need interacting with just because they smile. Likewise with the bag she did a good thing reminding you about your bag and you turned it into her being the bad one not getting it for you. You do sound like hard work so while it's lovely and kind of you to let her live there, I think you need to ease off and give each other some space or it's going to be unbearable for both of you.

CantAskAnyoneElse · 01/04/2023 11:09

From you examples, it really sounds like you are constantly telling her how to be/what to do/raise your son/do favours/etc.
That’s annoying and rude.

Maybe back off from her a bit.
And remember that while past dynamics can and do pop-up.
You’re not kids living unders your parents roof.

cestlavielife · 01/04/2023 11:12

Well she has to find some place else
House share etc
You are not responsible for her
Meantime be nice

Colorsoftherainbow · 01/04/2023 11:13

@Pinkdelight3 thank u for your perspective. On reflection I probably didn’t need to comment on her ignoring my son bcus yeah your right she’s not his mother so won’t act the same way I do with him.
but the bag incident I don’t rlly see the problem with me asking her to get it. I didn’t ‘have a go’ it was more of a thing where it was more convenient if she could just pick it up for me instead of me turning around and getting it.

OP posts:
Colorsoftherainbow · 01/04/2023 11:16

@CantAskAnyoneElse okay yeah I will defo take this on board.

OP posts:
Felicity42 · 01/04/2023 12:27

Is she paying rent?

TheYearOfSmallThings · 01/04/2023 12:31

Next time she says "I'm just going to leave" say "Okay, well if you're sure. What day will you be going?"

It's all trivial stuff but it sounds like you are niggling at each other and your relationship will not be helped by living together.

Seaoftroubles · 01/04/2023 12:32

It's not your fault she's been evicted the least she can do is be pleasant to you and your son. When he smiled at her she didn't have to do much, just acknowledge him and then leave the room if she wanted space. It's not much to ask! If you keep falling out and arguing that's not fair on your little boy and l would be helping her to find alternative acommodation, she is not your responsibility and she's the one that sounds hard work!

TheUndoing · 01/04/2023 12:37

In both of those stories you sound quite annoying to be honest. Perhaps try and give her a bit more space.

Caroparo52 · 15/07/2023 09:35

Its a bit of both of you.
Sounds small stuff, so try to let it go and be the bigger person and give her some bandwidth. She's probably stressed having nowhere to live. What ggoes round comes around

DustyLee123 · 15/07/2023 09:37

It sounds very petty TBH.

LightDrizzle · 15/07/2023 09:48

I found first thing in the morning with my own small children the worst. I really think it’s fine for her to dodge your son first thing as long as he doesn’t notice and she isn’t unkind.

I’d cut her some slack as she’s going through a tough time but pick her up if she is rude.

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