Suggestions on how I approach possible cheating?

[Wildflower410]

My bf and I have had many happy years together. He has a good job and I don’t work (voluntary work sometimes) so I have a lot of free time on my hands. Maybe that’s my issue with regards to thinking he is up to something. His job now means he’s away from home a lot. He’s being a bit more secretive with his phone like placing it upside down and going outside for calls. I’m not going to be one of those women that assumes he is up to no good, that is not healthy. However how should I approach this with him?

"I’m not going to be one of those women that assumes he is up to no good, that is not healthy."

Yes, you are hence your post on here and acknowledgement of suspicious behaviour regarding his phone.

What is your relationship like? Do you have any other reasons to suspect an affair? Do you have access to his phone?

Why not bring these suspicions up and ask him if there is a reason he is guarding his phone and going outside to take/make calls? Does he not just tell you who he's ringing or has called as part of normal conversation between you?

What does not working/ lots of free time have to do with 🚩behaviour from your boyfriend? Are you financially dependent on him?

@Dicktimsabound I’m not normally one to be thinking someone’s cheating. I’m not the jealous type. I just have a feeling. If he has nothing to hide he may feel betrayed by me that I’m thinking he’s done something he hasn’t. Yes I have access to his phone but he keeps it close to him but leaves it on his bedside table at night. I have asked to use his phone before and he agrees but then sits there doing something on for about 20-30 seconds before he hands it me, like he is deleting something.

We don’t about who he calls because it’s usually during the working day when he’s working from home. He takes calls in his office but the odd one he will go outside to take and this isn’t something he has done in the past.

He got a promotion in his job so he is now on the road when he’s not working from home but recently his trips away have increased more.

A few years back he was sending messages to a woman and it was flirtatious. He saw how upset I was and that if he did it again he knows I won’t stick around as to me that’s not regarding my feelings amongst other things.

I know I may be overthinking things but sometimes it can be a woman’s intuition.

No I’m not financially dependent on him. I have wealthy parents and have been fortunate to have been given enough to live on throughout my life. I’m given an amount that’s just like a an average salary. Before anyone says it but this does not mean he is using me. We were together quite a while before I informed of this as I’ve always been conscious of people using me. There are things in place where he would never be able to take my funds if we separated and I don’t pay for us to have a luxurious life style. We live like I just have a standard job hence the average salary amount I get. I can always increase this part anytime but have chosen not to and he is not aware of this. I budget in my means to the amount I get and never ask for more. I most likely would if we were to ever get married and have children.

If you got access to his 'phone and saw things you did not like what would you do OP?

Just say that his recent changes in his behaviour especially around his phone have brought up slight suspicions of the time when he was flirting. Explain calmly that the past flirtations have long lasting consequences and if you can't voice them and be reassured occasionally then you can't go on.

Just be honest.

His actions in the past can't just be boxed up as "dealt with" that's not how humans work.

At least give him an opportunity to talk, reassure and explain. And listen to him. Then you talk, reassure and explain.