Unusual situation and I don’t know whether I’m being irrational or not I need some perspective?

[GeorgiaPea]

So I’m 34 weeks pregnant. My partner has been so great and so supportive and he’s so excited BUT I’m having huge anxiety about him going out and especially him getting drunk. We live next door to my BIL and his family, my partner and his brother are really close, we moved here a year ago and it was me that encouraged the move as I wanted my partner to be close to his brother and family, I didn't realise how much BIL drank and partied, and my partner has obviously been drinking and partying more because of this, tonight we went out and I came home at 10, partner told me he was coming home when the pub closed, well I woke up at 1am to thumping music and loud voices next door (this has happened many times since I’ve been pregnant) and partner is not home yet, he comes home not long after and is REALLY drunk. He knows this pisses me off and he tries to tell me that I’m trying to stop him spending time with his brother in defence, which I’m certain is total gaslighting because I never have an issue with him spending time with his brother or anyone unless he’s coming home in a state, he’s promised me he won’t be taking drugs anymore but should I feel upset that he’s still getting drunk? And am I right to feel anxious when he goes to spend time there late at night on the weekend? I’m also concerned this partying will be encouraged by his BIL after baby’s here and I have no way of escaping the loud music, I also really don’t want my children to be growing up in this kind of culture, I have a lot of trauma from my own childhood regarding this and feel a lot of sadness that partners young niece is being exposed to this really regularly and I really don’t want that for us.

this issue has already caused so much anxiety for us both that it’s quite hard to see the clear picture as partner feels like I’m trying to control him and I don’t feel like I am as I encourage all of his healthy habits even if it means him spending big parts of our weekend away from each other, I really want him to be happy so that our relationship is good but we can’t be happy together if I'm an anxious mess because of this reoccurring situation that looks like it will never end.

How often is this happening and are drugs involved?

Does your BIL have kids?

At the moment it's not a major issue he can go out if he wants . But when you have a baby there will need to be changes. You need to sit down and discuss what that looks like now so you are both clear.

Your partner takes drugs.

Your partner parties, gets pissed and wakes you up. He is not a good partner. Things will get worse not better when the baby arrives.

This sounds like a nightmare OP - not so much now but when the baby is born. Is your partner going to step up and become a hands on dad or is he going to carry on with the drinking and partying and leave you to do the hard graft?

To be honest I'd be looking to move away again. Is that an option?

Also, I notice you say partner not husband. Please future proof your financial stability by continuing to work full time (after maternity leave). Don't become that MN thread when your partner is behaving like a twat but you can't afford to leave him.