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Original poster

Should I go on this date? Online dating

27 replies

RoseyPosey22 · 31/03/2023 21:03

Been speaking to a guy on online dating app. Seems to be into the same sort of things as me, he shared his instagram so I followed and he followed back. We're both 33.

Since then, it feels like the messages have got a bit... intense? By this I mean, when he responds to me, they are like essays, with so much detail. Telling me exactly what he's eating, watching, about his last dates from the app and why they didn't progress. Going off on a tangent about random things not part of the conversation.

I have already mentioned in a jokey manner that he writes messages which are way too long, but he has continued! 😮Even calling me beautiful and interesting and that he may not even be good enough for me.

We were planning in a date, but i'm put off by the intense-ness of this guy. Before I added him on Instagram, I was feeling interested. Its hard to know if hes trying too hard, if this is just him, or he is going to be a problem if we went on the date whether it went well or not.

He also just hinted to me that he doesn't have a job. That he is due to start a new job in the next month and is currently living with grandmother.

Wondering if this whole situation is to be approached with caution.

OP posts:
LiliLil · 31/03/2023 21:08

A fully grown male unemployed and living with his grandmother, love bombing a single woman who I assume has her own place? I wonder what he could be after…

And telling you you’re too good for him is a warning, listen to it. Throw this one back.

qqq82 · 31/03/2023 21:10

Lots of red flags
Don't go on the date

MissConductUS · 31/03/2023 21:13

Of course, he has new job cocklodging.

Pansypotter123 · 31/03/2023 21:13

Next!!!!

What's he posting on his Instagram btw?

goldenotter · 31/03/2023 21:15

avoid! block and move on

Newusernameaug · 31/03/2023 21:15

Listen to your intuition! If you have to ask on here then that is a good sign it’s a no go!
I know, I get it, you get your hopes up and then even before the first date you know it’s a no-go, so disappointing 🙄

PousseyNotMoira · 31/03/2023 21:32

He also just hinted to me that he doesn't have a job.

What’s with the hinting? You don't know? You were planning on meeting up with someone and hadn’t asked ‘what do you do for a living?’ at any point?

Anyway, if you have any doubts, don’t go out with him. I’m not a fan of ‘giving people chances’. When in doubt, bin.

Divebar2021 · 31/03/2023 22:15

I don’t know how in gods name you’re supposed to make an assessment from text messages. Do you consider that progress? Have you even had a phone conversation with him?

Original poster
RoseyPosey22 · 31/03/2023 22:35

Turns out he doesn't have a job, and the job he did intend to have have pushed back the start date now. When we spoke about what we do for a living he just said he was about to start this new job and spoke about that. Now it isn't so much the not having a job which is the problem (I myself have been through job loss before and the in between is awful) its that he hasn't got himself together before this.

Instagram is all travel pics or pictures of himself.

But the worst thing is the intense messages, each one an essay. We haven't even met in person yet and its as if he thinks he's met the one.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 31/03/2023 22:58

The guy's a fucking weirdo. You know it, we know it, run for your life.

scoobydoo1971 · 31/03/2023 22:59

He could be living with his gran to claim carers allowance. This allows him to dodge the job interviews required by universal credit. He clearly has lots of time of his hands if he can send you long texts about random stuff. If he is long term unemployed, he may have financial issues. Evaluate your self worth and if you want to be stuff with a manchild who has time for long texts but not time to get a job.

Houseplantmad · 31/03/2023 23:03

I think you’ve answered your own question - too many doubts so time to move on.

Zanatdy · 01/04/2023 02:54

Too many red flags for me

SeaDee · 01/04/2023 08:31

He's probably already told his grandmother he's moving out soon

Run a mile

GreyCarpet · 01/04/2023 10:11

You're not obliged to meet him!

I wouldn't even bother with an explanation as you haven't met. I'd just block.

qqq82 · 01/04/2023 10:13

Sounds like the stalker type

qqq82 · 01/04/2023 10:13

Or a scammer

winterbegone · 01/04/2023 12:35

I'd not bother with this one, he doesn't have his life together, can't manage to look after himself financially is a huge warning sign, despite his instagram showing a different story. His communication style irritates you, don't feel bad to say no.

NemoandDoris · 01/04/2023 12:43

Nope, he needs to get himself established as an adult first. If you really feel like meeting up just make it a 30 min coffee, nothing too committing.

Opentooffers · 01/04/2023 12:47

So you've got confirmation now from us that you'd be bonkers to proceed with this.
But why have you not sussed this on your own? The more they write, the easier it is to read between the lines, so you have a lot of info staring you in the face. Have the courage to say no thanks, otherwise you could end up with all sorts of dross and waste a lot of your time. Enough of thinking 'what if' I'm wrong, it's so obvious in this case.

MaximumPleasure · 01/04/2023 12:50

Don't go, cut contact.

LBFseBrom · 01/04/2023 12:52

He sounds incredibly boring. He may have no friends which is why he 'talks' so much online but doesn't sound like someone to date. Trust your instincts, there are more fish in the sea than you realise.

Callmenat · 01/04/2023 12:54

Beggars can't be choosers

Dacadactyl · 01/04/2023 12:57

In no way, shape or form would I be interested in a man, of any age, who didn't have a job.

A 33 year old, with no job and living with his nan? Absolutely not.

Dacadactyl · 01/04/2023 12:57

And that's before his ludicrous messages.

I can't confidently tell you that he's right, you're too good for him.

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