Have I done something wrong here?

[drapingivy]

Had an ex boyfriend I was with from when I was 17 until I was 21, it ended abruptly because he had addiction issues with alcohol and cocaine that came to a head and I left him because I could see where he was headed and didn't want to go down that road and he then without me there to somewhat control it he went off the rails and ended up in rehab. It was all very sad as I did love him but I didn't want that life and I left and never looked back.

I'm now 29, married, young kids etc. I had a text from a random number saying hey sorry this is random but how are you? Didn't know who it was was so I replied asking and they said it was the ex mentioned above. I didn't reply for a day then he text again saying he just wanted to know where life had taken me and if I was happy and he wanted to let me know he's doing good too incase I ever wondered. I sent a short response just saying I was well thanks, I'm married and have two little boys and that I'm glad to hear he's doing well. He replied a lot, like 8 seperate texts, he always knew I'd make a good mum, he hopes I have someone that has given me everything I want, stuff like that and then asked if I still lived in the area and if I'd meet for a coffee, I replied and said I didn't think that would be appropriate but again I'm really happy to hear he's doing well and that it was nice to hear from him. He text again about 5 times which I've not replied to.

Told my husband and he's really weird about it, saying it's inappropriate that I've replied at all and I should of totally ignored him. Maybe I shouldn't of and I'd known it was him from the off I probably wouldn't of, but after replying once to ask who it was to not reply again once I knew would be obvious and I wouldn't want to ignore them and send them spiralling or something, I do feel guilty for how abruptly I ended things I have ever since I found out how downhill he went after that so perhaps that's partly why. I met my husband quite soon after I'd split with him and we had a couple of arguments about him in the early days because I carried this guilt and cared how he was, I'd find out how he was doing through friends etc and my husband felt insecure about that but we moved past it and our relationship has come a very long way since then.

Have I done something wrong?! It'd be wrong to continue talking to him but all I said was that I'm married, have kids and am glad he's well. That's just being polite and giving him what he asked to know. Is that so bad?

I don't think you were rude to reply but you were right to leave it there.

Or wrong rather than rude. Rude not to reply.

Not in my opinion no. You didn't know who it was and then when you did, it was an innocent exchange about the life of someone who once meant a great deal to you and vice versa, in your formative years too. You then ended the exchange appropriately when asked to go for coffee (without waiting to find out the motivation). I think you're faultless here.

Your husband's previous feelings about this man have been triggered, that's why he's angry.

I think you cut off the conversation at the right time and also did the right thing by letting your DH know.
Just leave it at that and block the number now.
How upset is your DH? Is he worried that you're planning to rekindle something?

That's what I thought, thanks. He's not kicking off about it or anything but he was a bit upset so I just wanted reassurance I hadn't been inappropriate.

I don’t think you done anything wrong.

a few months after me and my DP got together an ex called me really late. I got worried and text immediately and he said it was an accident and tried to start a conversation. I immediately told him I was happily living with someone and was pregnant. Told DP right away and he said the same thing that I should’ve have responded.

I understand why he said and felt this way. But I was worried in case something was wrong as it wasn’t like him to call.

Shouldn’t*

No, I think you're response was fine but block him now. Allowing him to continue to msg you, doesn't matter if you dont reply, would be inappropriate.

You were fine in your response, he was being inappropriate by suggesting a meet. You did the right thing turning him down on that. He was also pushing it by sending multiple texts.
Ignoring him will help him get over the past, whereas contuing communication, even if its neutral, will just encourage both of you to be giving it headspace. So block and move on, it's better all round.
Also, be warned that if his life now is so great, he may not have needed to contact you at all, so he could create trouble.

Block his number and get on with your life. Your DH is feeling insecure because you loved this OM.
ANY further communication with this OM would be very inappropriate.

I think you've behaved perfectly but it's stirred up some old insecurities for DH and that's understandable. Just assure him you've cut the conversation dead and won't communicate with him anymore.

This. Absolutely this.

Nah I think you did right with it all.

Nothing wrong with a polite reply. You also told him you were married. And said no to coffee as it would be inappropriate.

If you were my partner I'd think I'd chosen a good'un.

I'd be a bit wary of his response. Wonder if he was the sort of person who would cheat on you and then claim he was just insecure as you were 'messaging your ex'.

If he doesn't seem the sort to do that then it's probably fine. But...keep an eye on it.