Friend of a friend of a friend that I got into a relationship with.
What I now realise was love bombing at the start, very intense very quickly. He was really funny though, and charming with it, so if I ever did go ‘err that’s a bit much’ it could be sort of laughed off. Demanded so much of my time in ways that seemed to romantic (let’s speak on the phone till we fall asleep, I’m going to turn up unexpectedly (was long distance) to meet you from work and stay all weekend because I just want to be with you - but looking back was trampling boundaries.
In a conversation about what had attracted us to the other he said there was something that seemed ‘vulnerable’ about me.
Lovely to me most of the time, full of complements and jokes and great plans but every so often would throw something so illogical and odd in there, then if I called him on it he’d either turn it into a joke or try to make out he never said what he definitely said.
He ghosted/ gave me the silent treatment out of nowhere and I decided that was that. I realise now I was meant to chase him/ beg but something woke up in me (once he realised I wasn’t playing ball he started hounding me again but I was done by that point).
Found out that the (much younger) woman he married not long after is divorcing him for what she has described as narcissistic abuse.
Another one that didn’t go as far, but lots of subtle comments/ backhanded complements - always a suggestion of what I could be doing better or differently, constant reference to his glamorous female friends and how they always wore x y and z or always had their nails painted etc. Made a dig about how I was too loud in bed so I told him not to worry I was faking anyway and ended it there and then. He might have just been a bit of a twat but luckily my bar was higher by then.