What does heartbreak feel like ?

[Livelifelaughter]

I have split up with my boyfriend. I am 54, he was the first man in 15 years that I wanted to be with, he made me feel protected, I felt that someone was there for me. I have lots of friends and a good job. It happened two days ago. We had an incredibly honest and intimate relationship but life through too many problems at him and he asked to be alone. This is how I feel now

-Panicky
-Physically sick
-Pain in my stomach
-No desire to eat
-Fearful of any gap in my day not filled
-Scared of not having an evening filled
-Avoiding streets we walked along
-Dreading the longer evenings because of summer memories holding hands
-Feeling embarrassed that I entered a relationship where I was let down at a time when my life was happy
-Pathetic
-unable to have a clear thought

• feeling humiliated that I was so proud and happy in our relationship and it was misplaced

I just wanted to share this, and ask how you felt.

I agree with this. Relationships build up, you meet, have a first date then another etc...when something ends it goes back to zero.

*It almost feels like they become a stranger over night too.
And everything everyone else has said.
Agoniding pain.
I'm also feeling it right now.

Empty.
Lonely.

Yes op sounds about right. Force self to eat though. Will help in long run. Sleep lots.

Add to the comprehensive list of you and PPs that for me it was accompanied by a disbelief and anger that life was just carrying on as normal for others around me.

To be honest it's very similar to when my mum died earlier this year

Divorce is often messy, you've learnt the hard way that it's better to meet someone who already has their divorce done and dusted. Although the romantic feelings may well be over, it's replaced by anger and frustration (especially when proceedings don't go as smoothly as hoped) which are just as emotionally draining for people so they can feel worn down by it and have little left to give. Meaning that he would of started treating you differently and giving you scraps anyway, so you are saved the long drawn out slow death of what you had which believe it or not, is less painful - though it doesn't seem so now.

I honestly think he only started treating me differently for days and reality too

Thank you....I can't believe how sick I feel. It wasn't based just on a quiz, it seemed to emphasise everything that he thought was wrong about him, but a lot didn't even matter. I also think he wants to be there for his daughters which I understand, but their parents have been living apart for nearly 3 years... Divorce is very hard, I have been there and I know it. We certainly had areas in our relationship that hurt me at times but I would tell him and he would adapt. It felt like we were in this wonderful romance and so lucky to have found each other (we met at a party abroad).

Last night was horrible. I had an okay evening, although I dodged a neighbour as she would have asked how I was and I wasn't in the mood to paint on my smiley face.
But last night was just horrible, I felt as though I couldn't breathe. I have lots of practical things to do this morning and have no energy. I am meeting a friend for a walk later and then another for dinner but I just feel sick. I miss him incredibly. I can't see how I can get through the Summer which I am absolutely dreading now whereas a few days ago I was thinking about nice dresses to buy and eating ice cream... Honestly, how does it go from talking to someone every day to nothing.
I spoke to a counsellor yesterday who suggested that this is normal but it has probably brought back stronger feelings of loss because of my bereavement.

How are you doing op?

Nighttimes can be very tough and the fact that you were looking forward to your summer can make you feel a little lost right now.

It’s good you made plans to see friends and you definitely don’t need to paint a happy face on for anyone. Be you, be honest with how you are feeling but also be prepared for little moments of happiness that come randomly throughout the day.

For me, it is still the fact that you can go from strangers, to lovers/best friends then back to strangers again. Being honest, it will be hard not being able to talk to him when you’re so used to it but each day will get a little easier.

Yes I do feel that some how I wasn't enough...I think we want people to behave in the way we think we would in the same circumstances - but he hasn't, and part of what actually attracted me to him was his single mindedness.

Thank you for asking. Can I ask how you are now ?
I feel flat and numb and also a sense of failure. I may have mentioned that I am 54 and I hadn't really (as in given up ) planned on meeting someone and then I met him and he really really chased me and it was so romantic, hand holding and exploring; I felt like I was in a film. We literally could talk for hours and hours about everything and deeply personal. I feel as you say someone so important to me has vanished.

Am seeing more friends today, I still feel sick.

I’m in a much better place now. It was a while ago but it still hurts me how it all ended. I wasn’t ready for it to end and neither was he but it happened and I’m thankful it happened but I know it was true love as I will always have feelings for him. I wish him the best but I can’t be around to see him at his best. If any of that makes sense.

He came into your life when you least expected it. He pretty much swept you off your feet and made you feel wanted as he chased you. That’s not to say that at some point in the future it might happen again. Don’t switch yourself off to love, just take time to heal from this and see where life takes you.

Keep yourself busy at the moment whilst the initial pain of it all sinks in. Give yourself a little bit of time each day to grieve. It sounds stupid but you need to grieve for your relationship and what you feel you’ve lost because as you say, someone you cared deeply for has just vanished. I recommend writing all your feelings down. Someone told me to do it years ago and it’s always helped me. It helps to just get your thoughts down on paper to get them out of your head.

Thank you, I may be prying but why did your relationship end ?
I do feel it's like grief, I spoke to a counsellor on Friday who said I am probably also feeling a resurgence of grief from my mother's death 4 months ago.
I have found writing a message to the same friend about how I feel helps but that may become a burden so I will keep a diary.
I am sorry that your true love didn't work out, there's something so poignant and sad about that.

We were just at different places in our life. Nothing nasty or bad happened, we both fell head over heels for each other but just couldn’t give each other what we needed in that time. Sometimes I feel like it makes it harder, sometimes you want a reason to dislike the ex and blame him for what happened but when it’s a mutual agreement then it’s tough to try help yourself fall out of love.

Keep messaging your friend, they will understand thag you need the support! Keeping a diary is good, I write letters and helps me to get everything out instead of bottling it all up.

feel free to message me anytime if you’d rather chat privately!

How’s your day gone today?

I've been there before - twice. Once in my early 20s and the second time in my early 40s. It's a horrible feeling, I had a sinking feeling in my gut every day for months.

In my 20s when the love of my life broke up with me it was before cell phones and social media, but I was in college so I focused on studying, exercising, and reading. Which was tough but it was the only way I got thru the toughest parts of the break up.

In my 40s I finally had to block him completely. He wanted to stay friends but it was so painful knowing he was happy and I was so very unhappy. So about a couple of months after the breakup I had to block him. Luckily about 6 months later I got a new job that kept me extremely busy and I had met someone else, so it helped to keep my mind off of him for the most part. About 2 yrs after the break up we met up and I was afraid I would still have feelings for him but surprisingly I felt nothing for him at all. It was a relief.

For me, mostly time is the only thing that makes it better. Of course being occupied with activities or even dating helps too.

I was thinking about my divorce and when I hear about my ex husband now and you're right it's literally no reaction at all... it's as though some switch turned off.

I know that feeling all too well. I stopped eating, stopped enjoying anything, and had the same fear of "free time" because it meant I'd be alone with my own thoughts. I remember periodically feeling happy and then sad really quickly because I'd be reminiscing on how great it was, followed by acknowledging that it's dead and gone now.

BUT..... those feelings are sooooo temporary.

I know it doesn't feel like it now and this will all sound like a big cliche but it does get better. It's great that you're so in tune with your own feelings. Allow yourself time to "grieve" the relationship, then shift the focus to YOU and how great you are. Focus on all the things you want to do, places you want to go to, things you want to achieve. Most importantly, there are so many people in this world, don't allow ONE man to bring down your self-esteem. You're amazing!

In a few months time, you'll look back on this with a weight lifted off your shoulders.

Thank you for your support and for caring.
I had quite a meltdown following my divorce 15 years ago, I then didn't really engage in relationships, did a bit of dating but never fell for anyone. But I really fell in Love am still in love with this man. I would say it took about 18 months to feel more myself.
I see you're trying to help but I don't have a list of all the places that I won't to go to because I have been to them... about 45 countries, literally. I have lots of friends and hobbies, some of which are very sociable. My bf added a level of intimacy and this feeling of security that was missing. My bf/,ex was lovely and what we had together was rare.

What you're feeling is totally normal but I would encourage you to take him off the pedestal as you didn't know him for long (8months), its likely that he lovebombed and then discarded you. He isn't as amazing as you thought as he has made you feel like this. Please research love bombers and discarding and hopefully you will see things clearer or reframe the narrative around this "perfect" man. I hope you feel better soon and try and get out there as soon as you can, don't let him put you off men or guard your heart. Show him its his loss and find someone who would never let you go x

I really appreciate what you are saying. I really don't feel as though I was love bombed in fact we even spoke about that. One thing I have learned is that you can be with someone for years; I have had in my late 20s a few relationships that went on for years but didn't feel painful when we broke up because everything had fizzled out or there wasn't an emotional connection of real depth.
I appreciate what you are saying though about putting him on a pedestal and that rings true.
It's the incredible disappointment that I am feeling, I am 54, I didn't expect to meet someone who I really wanted to be with, in our break up chat which morphed from a very emotional phone call he was crying and showing real vulnerability something I h

Sorry...finger slipped!
Continuing from above
real vulnerability, something I had only ever seen glimpses of before.
I really appreciate your kindness and I am going to look up this morning the resources you mention.