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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Agoraphobic mother

2 replies

eastercat · 30/03/2023 20:12

My mum is in her early 50s and severely Agoraphobia. She hasn't been out of the house in nearly four years, and can't even go outside the front door to do gardening in the front garden. The most she will do is walk around the back garden.

She has always been mentally unwell (extreme OCD and anxiety), and it's got worse and worse. I am worried she will get a serious illness one day and just resign herself to die rather than leave the house and get treatment.

It is very difficult for me as I live 1.5 hours away and have a busy life, plus a fairly strained relationship historically with my parents. My parents are still together but I know my father has relationships on the side. I have a LC relationship with them for my well-being too, visiting 3-4 times a year.

But I feel very guilty about my mother. Growing up was hard with her mental illness, and I have been damaged too in that environment. But I feel I should be doing something. I just don't know what.

Just wondered if anyone else is in a similar situation. She has been on medication (which she stops taking due to health anxiety), had several rounds of counselling and CBT. But she doesn't want to change so nothing improves.

OP posts:
jenniferpearson78 · 30/03/2023 21:17

I'm sorry to hear that your mother has trouble with agoraphobia. It sounds like you're both in a tough spot. First of all, don't feel bad about it. Understandably, you want to help your mother, but you also need to put yourself first.

Even so, there are still things you can do from far away to help your mother. You could help her find a local therapist or support group that helps people with agoraphobia. You could also send her care packages or letters to let her know you're thinking about her.

Remember that you're doing your best in a hard situation. Don't be hard on yourself because you can't "fix" everything. Instead, keep showing your mother love and support in whatever way feels right to you.

RLEOM · 02/04/2023 22:05

Do you ever do video calls? If you can't be there physically, then that might be the next best thing?

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