Found about his new girlfriend on FB...when we hadn't even split up yet!

[Iamclearlyamug]

Hi everyone

Please I'm just looking for some of the amazing support I've seen on other threads.

Together 19 months, living together, I have a DD11 from a previous partner. Things had been rocky for a while, I struggled with the fact he didn't work much (although did always pay towards rent/bills each week - tenancy in my name alone)

On Friday we agreed to separate, Saturday he moved a load of his stuff out. We were both crying, both said it wasn't the end, he facetimed me that evening to show me round the little place he'd rented and offered to come round Friday and help me move some furniture round ready for my new sofa to be delivered on Saturday. We also agreed to 'share' the dog he had for 12 years who my daughter was insanely attached to.

So imagine my horror when I was scrolling through Facebook and came across a post from a random woman tagging him as 'in a relationship' from a date at least a week prior to our split. Also several photos of them smiling with their arms round each other 😭😭

Absolute chaos ensued, I was utterly distraught. He admitted it. Saying "I'm sorry but it wasn't my fault, I felt unloved for so long" and I told him to contact my mum to collect his stuff as I never wanted to see him again. My mum came round to support me and DD and he then turned up at my door and dragged the dog away in front of my daughter 😭😭

Heard nothing since. He's clearly moved straight on with OW with no thought at all for the hurt and pain he's caused.

Why did I deserve to find out on Facebook? Was he really trying to cause as much devastation as possible? How do I even begin to get over him? I hate him but I love him and I can't stand this. My mum is fantastic and I have a lot of support but I just don't know how to do this 😭😭 there are so many questions I'll never get the answers to 😭😭

OP it is a blessing that you found out about other woman now so you won’t be hanging onto a maybe on/maybe not relationship for ages which would just waste your precious time. Cut all ties and move on.

Big hugs.
Some people can't leave a relationship until they have another one set up.
At least you know exactly where you stand and can leave this one behind. Tough for you and your DD - especially with regard to the dog.
It's a more decisive break than perhaps you intended but probably better in the long run.

A blessing in disguise, if you hadn't of broken up you still maybe none the wiser he was cheating if you hadn't of looked on fb. It hurts but you're better off without someone like this.perhaps 19months isn't long enough to move in together but that's just my opinion.

It sounds to me that it was all too much, much too fast. I don't think you really knew this man.

A blessing in disguise- at least you didn't end up having sex with him because he was dangling maybes. The pick me dance is humiliating once you realise he knows who he wants and is grabbing all the sex he can.

So sorry about the dog and your dd 😢

I'm sorry this happened OP.
But surely he had this all planned. You didn't just decide to separate on Friday and the nexr day he rented and moved into a new place?

Realistically, 19 months isn't all that long in a relationship. It takes time to evolve from that romantic/honeymoon phase (where you tend to dismiss any doubts because you're caught up in the "love bubble") to a more nuanced and " mature" relationship.

I find his statement that he "felt unloved for so long" curious. You haven't even been together that long! When did he start feeling "unloved"?

OP, I know you feel heartbroken right now but this man just wasn't a long term prospect. He obviously wasn't as invested in the relationship as you were, which isn't your fault, but suggests that you might have missed some signs along the way.

He wasn't the person you thought (or hoped) he was. Let him go. Good luck.