Am i overthinking?

[EdieEllen09]

So I've been seeing this great guy since about xmas time. Hes 8/10 the one to initiate text conversations and we generally only speak through text at night when we are both finished work. We have been going on weekly dates and have been getting on great. Hes told me how happy i make him, how he likes being with me etc.

So 2 nights ago he messaged and asked if i was free Sunday for a date and i agreed, however the past few nights hes been weirdly off. Last night he didn't message me until 10pm which was one message. I replied and he never read it until 7pm today. He then messaged me today and when i replied he read it straight away and has not responded. I know this sounds juvenile (believe me i get it) but this is so out of character for him. Hes usually so kind and considerate and interested in speaking with me so this has sent me into a bit of a tailspin and i feel like in catastrophising and assuming its over.

Why do you think hes been so unavailable the past few days? And how on earth do i stop stressing about it. Thanks.

I was seeing a guy from late November around once a week / once a fortnight and it was going great (though I wished I could have seen him more but he was a single dad plus he wasn’t great at communicating) then all of a sudden his messages slowed even more and I could tell something changed. I asked him so many times, he kept saying he still felt the same but I knew he was lying. God knows why, he won’t be honest with me but I assume he’s been seeing someone else (who will soon tire of seeing him once a fortnight!!). Maybe say you’re quiet, is everything ok? See what he says. But he might not be honest with you.

Sounds like he's lost interest, and trying to give you hint by not responding to you. A change in communication without any explanation isn't normally a good sign.
I would not be following him up, and if he was that busy but interested, he'd mention what he's been doing to make you feel secure. Don't have time for those that treat you like this.

In my experience they do this when they have someone new on the scene.
Around 3 months mark they get bored and the excitement and novelty fade for them as it's time to get serious so they go off and start something new with someone else. He is slow fading you, doesn't quite want to shut the door in case it doesn't pan out with this new love interest.

Impossible to say why he's been less available. When I was dating , if this happened in the early days I tended to assume they were speaking to someone else, its how a lot of people work - multi dating etc.

If i were you I'd match his effort, he knows where you are and was the one asking about Sunday, you sent the last message. Busy yourself with other stuff. I'd also remind yourself you don't know that hes a 'great' guy, or the right one for you yet...he's just a guy you don't know well enough to tell

If he initiates 80% of the conversations then maybe he’s stepping back to see if you meet him 50:50. Personally I think he should discuss it with you instead of doing weird passive aggressive stuff so if I was you I’d come out and ask him straight up.

Possibly feels that if he doesn't message you, you don't bother. From his point it may look like you aren't that interested.

Right, i apologise in advance incase this all sounds like the ramblings of a teenage girl but i feel like im going mad.

Im 31 years old, ive had a few serious relationships in the past. Two which were both 5+ years. Ive been single now for about 4 years and newly dating this guy i met around xmas time. For so long i struggled to connect with anyone on a romantic level and felt that everything was forced. Now im seeing this guy and i have genuine feelings for him but for some reason i can't get out of my own head.

Its as if ive forgotten how to be with someone. Im always reading into things hes said or done and making up scenarios in my head about how its going to end because hes just not interested, but in reality hes said/done nothing of the kind to make me feel like that. Its all me...i know this and i dont know why i do it. I feel like im taking the enjoyment out of us being together because i have my guard totally up because to me "well hes just going to lose interest soon anyway so why bother"

I really don't want to be like this and i dont understand where its coming from. Can anyone relate or offer any advise? Thanks

You sound as if you lack confidence. Stop being so hard on yourself and realise your worth.

What happened at the weekend? Did you see each other or go out on the Sunday, as he originally suggested?

You might just be picking up on his lack of interest. Unless you were too much in your head with every relationship then you need to fix yourself. If its just this relationship and he's going quiet on you then you need to end the relationship because him going quiet on you without explanation is making you feel insecure and it's understandable.