Hiya
I just wanted to find some impartial advice really. I've been with my partner six years, we did have a year apart at one point. I've been stating from day one I wanted another baby and to this day, he's not committed.
He has been the step parent to my 7 year old for the past 6 years and they got on well until recently.
He moved in six weeks ago and for the last four weeks it's been horrible. He always finds a problem with me, or so it feels. He complains I'm 'boring' in bed and don't satisfy him, he has a very high libido and I live with a chronic health condition so it isn't always matched. He believes I should be doing things randomly in the day/evening (like flashing him) to get him going so our intimacy isn't 'boring'. It seems like if he goes without or it isn't to his expectation he then throws his toys out of the pram. I know intimacy is important but it feels whatever I do it is deemed as boring, living with a disability doesn't always give you heaps of energy etc and he knows this. He's been very blunt and hurtful with his words recently, including 'I don't want you'.
The other issue is we cannot agree on parenting. My child has been testing the waters obviously with someone new moving in but he is really strict, he doesn't seem to understand how children work and thinks it's his way or no way. I understand we all have differences but he decided to go at me and tell me how he thinks I'm a lazy parent and criticise the ways I parent. I do discipline her, he doesn't always see this as he's not always around. I take pride in being a mum and do everything I can for her, I work full time too and live with the disability. He even went as far to criticise I let her watch TV when I was stuck in bed after surgery. He doesn't necessarily agree with kids having technology at all, I do limit it and sometimes it's more than other days but you can't keep children from it nowadays. The way this whole breakdown happened was because we disagreed on parenting (not in front of the child) and it's spiralled into something bigger.
He also has a very interfering mother who now has a spare room at her house, which came available when he started this whole thing. I can't help but feel its linked, I am aware it's been mentioned he can go back there if he wants. She's never liked me and they are both very sarcastic, blunt people.
I feel like part of this is the fact im resentful we've not progressed and made the steps to have a child. In all of this he's said I can have the child I want, he doesn't necessarily want a child but he will do it for me and will love the child no matter what. I've told him you can't bring a child into this as it currently is. I'm nearly 29 and feel like my clock is ticking. I don't know whether to try and make this work or go another way.
My question is, am I wasting my life with him? Or is he being reasonable in his hurtful words?
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Relationships
Relationship breakdown
Imogen94 · 29/03/2023 08:39
Imogen94 · 29/03/2023 09:14
The only traits I saw were sarcasm. The last two years he's been putting on a really good front, I would not have let him move in otherwise.
Goldbar · 29/03/2023 10:12
You made a mistake letting him move in but the good news is that it sounds like it is quite easily fixed. Chuck him out, ditch him and give your DD a secure and happy home again. At 29, you do have (some) time on your side, but even if you didn't, you owe it to your existing DD not to settle for this and ruin her childhood. As your existing child, she needs to be prioritised.
Imogen94 · 29/03/2023 09:14
The only traits I saw were sarcasm. The last two years he's been putting on a really good front, I would not have let him move in otherwise.
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