Help me cope with SIL

[caniexchangesil]

She's staying. She's lives abroad. She'll be going home tomorrow afternoon. I've taken to my bed pretending to be tired, but really there is only so much sanctimonious judgement I can cope with. Seriously need tips for how to cope with her. She does mean well she is just blazingly unaware of being an arrogant control freak. Top tips for biting your tongue and counting down the hours until she leave are needed! I've already texted BFF and next time she comes to stay, I'll 'sadly' be at a work conference for a couple of days.

Make yourself as annoying as possible to wind her up? It might be fun to see how far she will be suckered.

respond to everything she says with a blank look and saying, “oh sorry I wasn’t listening did you speak? Never mind you can tell me later.”

hum constantly while she’s trying to talk to you, and when she gets especially annoying break out in song. Something unexpected, I’d go with the Marriage of Figaro (just cos it makes me smile).

Why do people Always say “they mean well”.
often times they don’t. Own and accept that.

stay in your room. Don’t invite her back

Just stay out of her way. It’s your partners sister, let your partner host. Make sure your partner takes the lead everything related to her in the future and you stay at an arms length, minimise contact to the extent you can cope with. Maybe you just pretend to be a workaholic whenever she’s around. Good luck

Ok so these are some of my coping mechanisms for situations such as these:

Sit and nod politely while just saying fuck off fuck off fuck off really loudly in your head.

Pretend headache which could develop into a full blown migraine.

Cough 3 times and Get a text message from a friend saying they've got covid.

Forget something and go to the shops.

Get drunk

Just tidy up and get all your jobs done while she's spouting off at you. Then at least when your gone you're time is yours.

I'm constantly pottering about when MIL comes over so that as soon as she goes I'm done and can hit the sofa.

Continue to bite your lip, but vow to yourself this is the last time she comes to stay. Have a stack of reasons why not, but never under any circumstances endure a repeat visit. The end is in sight, button down she’ll be gone tomorrow. But don’t in the process become a doormat.

Hell would freeze over before I allowed someone to treat me like that in my own home. Hell would freeze over twice before I hid in my bedroom, in my own home, from this insufferable twat.

I'd be showing her the door, not caring if it hits her arse on the way out. The little princess can find a hotel.

Where is your DH in all of this?

Are the comments directed at you or him or others?

Does he stand up to her negativity?

Know that she is insecure, jealous and possessive - and that’s why she is hostile.

You have choices:

1. call her out calmly and assertively each and every time risking her volatility.
2. Get DH to do this
3. Ignore smile and wave
4. Give her boundaries and consequences explicitly
5. Withdraw and minimise contact with her in the future.

You could try this, borrowed from a really awful person. Wait until she's halfway through a mean comment and say, "sorry what" and look confused. You have to wait every time, perfect your timing. And the blanker your look, the more PA it is.

If she's being rude, you ought to challenge it. You don't want her getting this comfortable in your house, or she'll visit more often! Tackle what you believe to be inappropriate comments.

What is it with insufferable SILs?!

Not much use this time but my go-to is the "dilution technique".
When undesirable relatives come to stay we have friends and family over or host parties this "dilutes" them and means i can stay pleasant and civil.

We also think up "helpful tasks" for them to do. Pop out to bakery for Fresh bread in the morning etc this just gices me some headspace.

Thank you all. This has been very cathartic to read. I think I will talk to DH about his talking up more when she is being a world-class arse and I will try and ask her things like 'are you really suggesting that I'm a cheat?' when she basically says that during a board game (I thought that might be a more neutral way to pass the time but seems not...). Apparently I bought out her 'more competitive side'. That's not what I'd call it. An honest mistake which I was open about does not make me a cheat and what kind of person accuses an adult of that in a deadly serious voice in their own house. It's pathetic to be even discussing this. As was her attempt to tell me that not taking my DH's surname was a mortal offence and very much expected in 'our' (basically 'her' culture). DH should have spoken up more then and I will discuss that with him. She's gone though - yay!!!! I do have to 'welcome' her back because the only way she can see DH is if she stays here. I will totally minimise contact though, get DH to step up and start calling her out (as politely as I can). Thanks wise vipers!

Couldn’t your husband go see her? It’s not your job to ensure they have a relationship

Sadly no. She lives abroad and we can't afford to visit.

I won't ensure they have a relationship. I'll just stay put of the way when she's here. For his sake not hers. I love him dearly and he puts up with my shit family who, despite their shirtless, I still want a relationship with.

I did the hiding in my bedroom when my ILS were here. It was an attempt to make my EXDH entertain his own parents plus I had enough. She called me out on it and said I was rude and didn't make them feel welcome. I am slightly horrified looking back that I replied that I needed a break from her constant tedious self absorbed talking.

Really though , no fucks given .