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Original poster

Beginning of relationship and social media

23 replies

Janese2 · 27/03/2023 21:22

Dating advice needed. I met someone online on a website where you can see interactions between members like likes and comments (something like Instagram). I started chatting to him 4 weeks ago and we were chatting loads and really hit it off. While we were chatting he was liking and commenting on other women’s pics. I was bothered a bit as we were texting / calling each other so much and I gave him my full focus, but I wasn’t too annoyed as it was early stages and I understood he kept his options open as we didn’t meet yet. However, we finally met and for me it was awesome and I really fancy him. I mentioned about the liking and commenting on a lot of women, but didn’t wanna look crazy so I said that I get it, but it was making me a little sad. it’s been a week and he is messaging me every day with affection (calling me beautiful and planning a date). Now the issue is that he hasn’t stop liking and commenting on the pictures of women (telling them they are stunning, sending heart emojis - he knows I see it and I told him it was making me sad). I’m not sure if I’m overreacting or not and if I should see him again 😭. I understand it’s a beggining, but I feel like if he really liked me he would stop at least for 2-3 weeks to see how we develop or not especially as I mentioned it on our date.

OP posts:
Greensleevevssnotnose · 27/03/2023 21:23

Yes you are

Meltedcheeses · 27/03/2023 21:26

I wouldn't be attracted to anyone who acted like that. It's creepy and shallow.

He's not doing wrong by you...you've just met...but it's not the behaviour if a thoughtful and intelligent man.

defi · 27/03/2023 21:27

He's publicly lusting and pursuing other women

Pinkbonbon · 27/03/2023 21:29

Id fund it distasteful.

Calling women stunning on their pics all over social media is fucking cringe anyway.

I'd also see it as deliberate now to get a rise out of you becayse a decent bloke would have been like 'yeah i like this girl so although I'm single and can keep dating, I'm not going to be blatantly slimey over other women for all to see'

Church this one back. He's a bad egg.
It's not overreacting not to date disrespectful shitheads.

He's using narcissistic triangulation. Which us when they play you off against other women to feed their ego. His only love is himself and that'll never change.

Run.

Pinkbonbon · 27/03/2023 21:31

Ps: he also sounds like the sort of creep who would send 'morning beautiful' to like 5 different girls at the same time.

Don't date scumballs.

Original poster
Janese2 · 27/03/2023 21:33

To maybe be more specific . The site is fetlife so it’s kind of different to regular social media as it’s kind of about sex and showing off (however I got 2 serious long term relations from there as I’m heavily into bdsm with decent men). My profile same as his state specifically we are looking for monogamist relationship with specific kinks

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 27/03/2023 21:34

Pps: it also sounds like he is love bombing you.
It's rarely a good sign when they need to message all day every day. It's too full on. And when that's the case, they're usually headworkers.

Pinkbonbon · 27/03/2023 21:37

Janese2 · 27/03/2023 21:33

To maybe be more specific . The site is fetlife so it’s kind of different to regular social media as it’s kind of about sex and showing off (however I got 2 serious long term relations from there as I’m heavily into bdsm with decent men). My profile same as his state specifically we are looking for monogamist relationship with specific kinks

Nothing wrong with a fetish or two. But don't date narcissists. Show offs...often turn out to be those sort.

DivineAffliction · 27/03/2023 21:40

Way too much headspace being taken up by someone you’ve met once. Move on fast.

Fluffodils · 27/03/2023 21:42

I don't think the website is for you if that's a feature of it and you don't like it

Original poster
Janese2 · 27/03/2023 21:44

I met people on there before. You don’t need to use all the features . I never like or comment on pics for example. I approach directly people I’m interested in

OP posts:
Notaboutthebass · 28/03/2023 07:53

Doesn't sound like the type of site to find a decent man for a relationship.
I wouldn't like that behaviour and would move on.

Original poster
Janese2 · 28/03/2023 11:49

Talked to him this morning about it and he said he usually talks to more women until he is in the relationship. I think I’ll go to one more date , but avoid being intimate unless he wants relationship

OP posts:
username1722 · 28/03/2023 22:22

I'd run. Fast.

What he's doing isn't wrong, as such. He's single. However, it's something that makes you uncomfortable. It's also something that you've TOLD him makes you uncomfortable yet he's still blatantly doing it. He's testing your boundaries and seeing whether you'll let him walk all over you.

If this is what he's doing to your head after one meeting, imagine being in a relationship with him.....

Nalupa · 28/03/2023 22:25

I wouldn't be continuing with him, he sounds like a creep anyway and in my opinion if you are pursuing/in a relationship with someone then it is disrespectful to publicly lust after and flirt with other women.... Of course it depends on the content of the photos for one, but the comments calling then "stunning" and "gorgeous" tips it in to NO territory.

Tescoland · 28/03/2023 22:26

Sounds like an arsehole. Get rid.

Pinkbonbon · 28/03/2023 22:37

It makes you uncomfortable though op. So its not ok for him to do that and keep dating you. Your boundaries are your boundaries and you're entitled to them. When he found out you were not ok with it (as if that's not obvious, because no woman would be fyi) he either should have stopped or, ended it with you because of 'incompatibility'.

Plus there's a difference between dating other people and openly rubbing your nose in it. That's attention seeking bs.

You're lowering your boundaries already. Tolerating shit you're not comfortable with? Why? Honey, no one us THAT cute.

You've also already told him you're boundaries don't matter to you. Because you're seeing him again even though you find him disrespectful.

Really bad idea, especially if your relationship and sex with him will include bdsm. You have to be extra careful in these cases to maintain boundaries. And those start with mutual respect.

Pinkbonbon · 28/03/2023 22:38

*your boundaries

AfricanAmericanFriday · 28/03/2023 22:48

Pinkbonbon · 28/03/2023 22:37

It makes you uncomfortable though op. So its not ok for him to do that and keep dating you. Your boundaries are your boundaries and you're entitled to them. When he found out you were not ok with it (as if that's not obvious, because no woman would be fyi) he either should have stopped or, ended it with you because of 'incompatibility'.

Plus there's a difference between dating other people and openly rubbing your nose in it. That's attention seeking bs.

You're lowering your boundaries already. Tolerating shit you're not comfortable with? Why? Honey, no one us THAT cute.

You've also already told him you're boundaries don't matter to you. Because you're seeing him again even though you find him disrespectful.

Really bad idea, especially if your relationship and sex with him will include bdsm. You have to be extra careful in these cases to maintain boundaries. And those start with mutual respect.

Totally agree with this.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 28/03/2023 22:52

it's not the behaviour if a thoughtful and intelligent man

this
it’s ok to not like it and it’s ok to stop
you don’t even need to say why
‘I’m not feeling it ‘

Anon132 · 28/03/2023 23:03

Pinkbonbon · 28/03/2023 22:37

It makes you uncomfortable though op. So its not ok for him to do that and keep dating you. Your boundaries are your boundaries and you're entitled to them. When he found out you were not ok with it (as if that's not obvious, because no woman would be fyi) he either should have stopped or, ended it with you because of 'incompatibility'.

Plus there's a difference between dating other people and openly rubbing your nose in it. That's attention seeking bs.

You're lowering your boundaries already. Tolerating shit you're not comfortable with? Why? Honey, no one us THAT cute.

You've also already told him you're boundaries don't matter to you. Because you're seeing him again even though you find him disrespectful.

Really bad idea, especially if your relationship and sex with him will include bdsm. You have to be extra careful in these cases to maintain boundaries. And those start with mutual respect.

This ^^ keep your boundaries and show him you respect yourself and your feelings and values. He won't be worth it.

Mumma · 28/03/2023 23:14

He sounds like a player. How many other women is he dating...

scoobydoo1971 · 29/03/2023 00:10

Apart from being a player, all this social media activity of him admiring other women and following their posts makes him a dull boy indeed. Watching paint dry springs to mind. I bet he has the personality of a brick. If it has started on such a bad footing, and he ignores your feelings so clearly, then it is up to you to take charge. Do you want to be chasing a relationship with a man who hormonally pants after everything with the whiff of estrogen within a 100 mile radius, and 'likes' because he has no better method of communicating or relating to womankind. No, I didn't think so...

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