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Original poster

DP not interested in going out

3 replies

Blenha · 27/03/2023 20:45

This may sound silly, but my dp of 8 years (2 kids together) is really ‘boring’.

I don’t want to use the word boring, we are both very relaxed. When we got together we were very much on the same wave length. Didn’t really have many friends, wasn’t interested in going out, didn’t drink/smoke or any of that.

we got together at 20 but we both never had any of those ‘fun’ teenage years and we had kids early. Fast forward to now, we’re 28 and after raising kids for years I’d like to enjoy what ‘young years’ I have left.

when I talk about having ‘fun’ I just mean going on some nice dates in the evening here and there. Fun activities together, formal drinks together, restaurant, chatting at a bar for an hour over a cocktail etc. nothing too crazy (not talking about going partying lol).

dp is just not interested in it at all. The most we do is go to the cinema occasionally (during the day not even like an evening date) or going shopping (for whatever he wants to buy). His birthday is coming up and I told him I’d like us to go out one evening this weekend as I’ve sorted childcare. He told me he just wants to stay home and cuddle/sleep for his birthday (fair enough, as he works a lot and he should enjoy his day however he wants to). So I suggested that we do both, stay home and relax for his birthday and then the next day we could go out. He said he’s not interested.

he has always been not very sociable, he only tends to want to do things that interests him and I end up tagging along. Even though it’s not my cup of tea I enjoy it as I like to spend time with him and in a relationship you should show interest in what your partner likes. however, it very much frustrates me as he did go on fun dates/go out places with other girls in the past.

he told me that he’s not into going out etc but if there’s something I’d like to do I should tell him to take me. The issue I have with that is that there is no point when he’s not actually interested in the first place. Last year on his birthday I booked a fun adults games place with a bar etc and it was so extremely awkward he didn’t show any fun and we sat at the table awkwardly. So I don’t see a point even trying to tell him to take me somewhere because I won’t have fun if he’s not interested in it, I won’t have a laugh and I don’t want to feel like I’m pressuring him to do something he’s not in to.

anyway, I’m just feeling quite annoyed at this situation. I’ll be 30 soon and I have had no ‘fun’ experiences in my teens or 20s. It’s not like I want to do anything wild, but I never get to even dress up. I’ve never had the opportunity to wear a nice dress, heels and makeup on - most girls do that every weekend.

you may tell me to do these things with friends instead. To be honest I don’t really have any friends and he is the person I want to do these things with anyway. I want to go out with my partner and have dates together and experiences and fun together - not just as a family with the kids.

OP posts:
KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 27/03/2023 22:21

I would certainly give him another opportunity after the ‘games night’ - tell
him what you want to do and how important it is to you that you have some fun so that he’s in no doubt what it means to you.

If he can’t manage that, you’ll know that he’s not going to change (this is the likely scenario). Then your choice is to find friends that will do this with you to supplement your relationship (it’s unhealthy to rely on one person for your social interactions in any case) or actually conclude that the relationship doesn’t have a long term future at all.

Life is too short!

Xzxzxzxz · 27/03/2023 22:25

Blenha · 27/03/2023 20:45

This may sound silly, but my dp of 8 years (2 kids together) is really ‘boring’.

I don’t want to use the word boring, we are both very relaxed. When we got together we were very much on the same wave length. Didn’t really have many friends, wasn’t interested in going out, didn’t drink/smoke or any of that.

we got together at 20 but we both never had any of those ‘fun’ teenage years and we had kids early. Fast forward to now, we’re 28 and after raising kids for years I’d like to enjoy what ‘young years’ I have left.

when I talk about having ‘fun’ I just mean going on some nice dates in the evening here and there. Fun activities together, formal drinks together, restaurant, chatting at a bar for an hour over a cocktail etc. nothing too crazy (not talking about going partying lol).

dp is just not interested in it at all. The most we do is go to the cinema occasionally (during the day not even like an evening date) or going shopping (for whatever he wants to buy). His birthday is coming up and I told him I’d like us to go out one evening this weekend as I’ve sorted childcare. He told me he just wants to stay home and cuddle/sleep for his birthday (fair enough, as he works a lot and he should enjoy his day however he wants to). So I suggested that we do both, stay home and relax for his birthday and then the next day we could go out. He said he’s not interested.

he has always been not very sociable, he only tends to want to do things that interests him and I end up tagging along. Even though it’s not my cup of tea I enjoy it as I like to spend time with him and in a relationship you should show interest in what your partner likes. however, it very much frustrates me as he did go on fun dates/go out places with other girls in the past.

he told me that he’s not into going out etc but if there’s something I’d like to do I should tell him to take me. The issue I have with that is that there is no point when he’s not actually interested in the first place. Last year on his birthday I booked a fun adults games place with a bar etc and it was so extremely awkward he didn’t show any fun and we sat at the table awkwardly. So I don’t see a point even trying to tell him to take me somewhere because I won’t have fun if he’s not interested in it, I won’t have a laugh and I don’t want to feel like I’m pressuring him to do something he’s not in to.

anyway, I’m just feeling quite annoyed at this situation. I’ll be 30 soon and I have had no ‘fun’ experiences in my teens or 20s. It’s not like I want to do anything wild, but I never get to even dress up. I’ve never had the opportunity to wear a nice dress, heels and makeup on - most girls do that every weekend.

you may tell me to do these things with friends instead. To be honest I don’t really have any friends and he is the person I want to do these things with anyway. I want to go out with my partner and have dates together and experiences and fun together - not just as a family with the kids.

What does he say when you say that to him?

Tryphenia · 27/03/2023 22:33

I’m trying to unpick why you want to do things with someone you admit is boring and who is totally uninterested? I mean, it sounds as if you’ve got to choose between languishing at home with Mr Couch Potato or doing something you consider interesting (but he doesn’t, so he refuses or ruins it), and you are trying to combine the two. Is this because you don’t have any friends? Would you go out with them if you did? Is it worth making some?

There seems a fairly high chance this relationship is dead in the water. As far as he’s concerned, he got together with someone else equally ‘boring’, short on friends and happy to spend their 20s raising small children, and now you’re changing the rules. Not that I blame you, but it’s not as if you don’t know what he’s like…

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