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Original poster

Do i tell his wife he's cheated for 9 years

52 replies

Whyme1983 · 27/03/2023 17:06

I left my husband for someone that then didn't end up doing the same. We was each other's first love and we keep crossing paths every couple of years and things always end up where they started but the timing is always wrong for either one of us. After 9 years i feel his wife deserves to know but I can't be that malicious.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whyme1983 · 27/03/2023 17:55

I should have added that it’s not been a physical relationship for 9 years. It happened a couple of times 9 years ago and then I actually got in a new 7 yr relationship and when that ended we bumped into each other but not been physical.

Thank you for those with genuine advice and not attacking. You’re all right and it’s time to walk away and not go back but move forward and work on me. Those who attacked know that not everything is always black and white unfortunately.

OP posts:
custardbear · 27/03/2023 18:37

Whyme1983 · 27/03/2023 17:06

I left my husband for someone that then didn't end up doing the same. We was each other's first love and we keep crossing paths every couple of years and things always end up where they started but the timing is always wrong for either one of us. After 9 years i feel his wife deserves to know but I can't be that malicious.

Your first message says you left your husband for him.
You say 9 years ... then suddenly it's not 9 years, it's 9 years ago.
Get your lies straight

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 27/03/2023 18:57

Whyme1983 · 27/03/2023 17:55

I should have added that it’s not been a physical relationship for 9 years. It happened a couple of times 9 years ago and then I actually got in a new 7 yr relationship and when that ended we bumped into each other but not been physical.

Thank you for those with genuine advice and not attacking. You’re all right and it’s time to walk away and not go back but move forward and work on me. Those who attacked know that not everything is always black and white unfortunately.

So when you said he’s been cheating for nine years, you actually meant he cheated nine years ago and you have no idea what’s happened since?

Thisisworsethananticpated · 27/03/2023 20:14

No
why do people always want to do this
leave her and them alone
she’ll probably have an inkling anyway

Silentalarmclock · 27/03/2023 20:38

It is black and white - he promised his wife loyalty and they two of you ripped the piss out of her behind her back. Nothing grey about that. Disgusting

JoanThursday1972 · 27/03/2023 20:44

ThisIsNotThePostYourLookingFor · 27/03/2023 17:30

What gives you the right to destroy her world? Is it sour grapes because you didn’t win? Did the ‘pick me’ dance not work?

Her world has been destroyed for a decade but she probably doesn't realise that.

Matildapower · 27/03/2023 20:45

So you’ve not actually had a relationship with him for 9 years ???

Choconut · 27/03/2023 20:52

He cheated for 9 years is really quite different from he cheated 9 years ago.

It sounds like he's picked her so you've now decided to try telling the wife to see if you can win him that way. What a prize he is.

Matildapower · 27/03/2023 20:55

So you were fine with your husband for 7 years but now that’s broken up you want this fella back, and are trying to force this by telling his wife about events from 9 years ago ?
don’t be ridiculous

randomusername2020 · 27/03/2023 21:08

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

Dicktimsabound · 27/03/2023 21:20

Why the sudden pang of conscience after 9 years? Why don't you get some self esteem and morals and move on, learning from your appalling behaviour OP?

Shitty men are like water, finding the lowest level.

GlamourPuss78 · 27/03/2023 21:26

So you had a fling 9 years ago for a couple of times and then you see him every now and then and there is a bit of flirting but that's it? When did you leave your husband for this guy?

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 27/03/2023 21:29

Don't be silly. He stayed with her and now you feel it's your duty to put her straight? Do the decent thing, don't meddle, move on and leave them to it.

HappinesDependsOnYou · 27/03/2023 21:51

I suspect what is really driving you to question whether to tell the wife is the line "we were each others first loves" I suspect he told you that but his actions of staying with his wife prove otherwise. Is this about seeking soke sort of reassurance he felt the same way about you as you did him? The reality is he can lie to his wife so he can lie to you.

Rollerpiggy · 27/03/2023 21:53

You lose them the way you got them.. to
someone else …

Eyesopenwideawake · 27/03/2023 22:08

but I can't be that malicious

Good. Case closed.

Hawkins00 · 27/03/2023 22:25

@Whyme1983 we need detailed timeline of the affairs

Sighhhhh · 27/03/2023 22:37

troll

Livelovebehappy · 27/03/2023 23:25

If you were going to tell her to help her, then I’d say go for it. But you clearly haven’t given a toss about her for the past seven years, so I’m going to assume you want to tell her for your own twatty reasons, ie hoping that she will throw him out and he will run into your arms, and you will both live happily ever after. Only he won’t. If he cared about you that much, he would already be with you. Clearly he doesn’t.

Frankola · 29/03/2023 20:45

So basically you've been hanging on for 9 years waiting for this bloke to leave his wife for you? You've been played like a fiddle.

He might be your "first love" but to him you're clearly just someone he can come to for an easy time.

And now you've got egg on your face you want to tell his wife?

Do you seriously believe that if you tell his wife he will come running to you?

You're in serious need of a head wobble. Either that or you're just a horrible person.

PawsAndReflection · 29/03/2023 21:27

While I agree with previous posters, I do think that regardless of your reason for doing so she does deserve to know. I'd want to be told.

username1722 · 29/03/2023 22:35

You should 100% tell her. I couldn't care less what your reasons are for doing it, she still deserves to know.

Tell her and then walk away.

iaapap · 29/03/2023 22:43

Just deal with your own life I think.

Leave him to see if he can fix his marriage, particularly if there are kids involved.

balconylife · 29/03/2023 22:52

To the people who say they would want to know, trust me, you wouldn't.

He has made his choice and the chances are they have another 40 + years of happily married life where the wife's world has not been blown apart.

To tell his wife would be cruel and unnecessary revenge which would hurt the innocent party the most.

Dontbelieveaword · 29/03/2023 22:53

If this is genuine, I'm more inclined to believe that you want the wife to find out, not because you think she deserves to know, but more because once she (hopefully) kicks him out, he'll come running to you and you'll finally have your 'first love'.
Ever so slightly pathetic