Tinder novice - Advice please:-)

[PurpleFeather]

My very long term relationship ended about a year ago. I’m now very happily single but I’m reaching the point where I quite fancy casual hook ups with people.

I joined Tinder but the etiquette confuses me - I’ve matched with a few guys but they haven’t messaged me. Does that mean they’re not that bothered, or is there an expectation the woman messages first? I tend not to overthink these things & just message someone if I like the sound of them, but I didn’t want to waste my own time (if them not messaging me means they’re probably not that keen).
Do you normally message first?

Also, Tinder seems pretty terrible! Loads of references to being “well-hung”, profile pics with fish in, toilet selfies etc. Is there a slightly less dire app or are they all like this😂

I chose Tinder as I’m looking for something casual but open to other suggestions.

thanks for any advice!

I found bumble the best app, on tinder I ended up with a lot of messages from married men and plenty of fish was horrible too. Men get a lot less matches online dating so don’t always respond I was told this by a male friend he said he swipes every woman just to see who he matches with on tinder. Bumble women message first just be honest if you are looking for casual or if you are looking for something more. Good luck

I've found Hinge to be the least scary app

A lot of men swipe every woman and then go from there.

I've never messaged first on tinder. It's easy to get matches as a woman but less so as a man so most men will proactively message women they match with if they are interested.

personally I find tinder shit. If you want casual try feeld.

Thanks guys I’ll try bumble/feeld

Bumble much better than Tinder (at least in my experience as a 50s m!).

It includes the possibilities you're talking about, but feels less tacky.

I think lots of people of tinder swipe on everyone and then decide if they are interested when they get matches. I did online dating on various sites over the years and found the same people on multiple sites. I genuinely think it's the luck of the draw. I met lots of idiots and time wasters but also made a few friends and met some nice people who I had relationships with. I met my current partner on tinder and we have been together for 5 years so it can happen 😊 it can just take time so find the genuine people