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Original poster

Men that want mothering

14 replies

PinkGirlpower · 27/03/2023 15:40

Hello ladies I'm confused ..wheres the line?
(My partner and I are both on the spectrum and have 3 kids but live apart.) Confusing.

For those more experienced in relationships /with kids/older do you find your men can act like your actually their mum?

Giving too much ..and them not even seeing it or appreciating it and still moaning?
He said.. "A relationship is meant to make your life easier " I.think he just wants a replacement mum. It definately should make your life better , but easier?
With.kids its a juggle! I.already have kids...Id like a partner not.another kid.

Cleaning helping arranging, food and sex and really happy if your giving?
I used to give A LOT!
lots of cooking..helping, complimenting his ego? sex ect. ...But we now have a little one so really can't do.anywhere near the same and its not reciprocal anyway (it is with sex) but I feel I'm.bleeding myself dry and he takes.
He doesn't help financially as we don't live together..he has daughter regularly though., but he should
" he's a better dad than.most men" he says.
Is.it a red flag? Last week I. Got his shopping , brought him lunch got him a present..and he still says all this. And is rude.. If.I complain.
He's also autistic so I let a lot go, but I have needs too. I'm.adhd. This makes the whole thing very confusing.
We are in.that phase where he's working loads n tired and I'm doing most child stuff and bored. both under appreciated maybe...😤😕😵‍💫

OP posts:
Naunet · 27/03/2023 16:13

Ugh, he’s using you. As my old Nan used to say ‘I can be your mother or your lover, but never both’. Nothing is a bigger turn off for me than a man who wants me to be his mummy.

What are you getting out of this relationship? Why doesn’t he live with you and be a proper parent? Why doesn’t he financially contribute towards his children? Go through CMS.

ComtesseDeSpair · 27/03/2023 16:13

I don’t think you can have a proper partnership of equals when you’re living separately yet share children which one of you will inevitably end up taking more responsibility for. You aren’t partners sharing a life, you’re boyfriend and girlfriend and he’s living like the single man he ultimately is. Whose idea was this ridiculous set up?

Original poster
PinkGirlpower · 27/03/2023 16:24

Its probably mostly because he's autistic x

OP posts:
Aftjbtibg · 27/03/2023 16:27

It should go both ways; I don’t mind feeling that I’m taking care of my DH because he does the same to me. If it’s all you then that’s not good.

Original poster
PinkGirlpower · 27/03/2023 16:27

Its not fair..but difficult to do any other way as there's not enough bedroomsbin.either house and neither of us.are in a great place financially to change it. He's also autistic but sometimes feel its an excuse..he thinks he will clear up after me but I.was doing a lot when we tried before , it was only temp when my older son stayed at his dads.?but my son wouldnt live with him as he's not very likeable tbh. We should probably just split but I'm.trying for our daughter!

OP posts:
Naunet · 27/03/2023 16:27

PinkGirlpower · 27/03/2023 16:24

Its probably mostly because he's autistic x

Doesn’t mean you have to put up with it. Autism isn’t an excuse not to pay for your own children either. Can he hold down a job?

Original poster
PinkGirlpower · 27/03/2023 16:29

Oh.he's self employed and has her 3 nights a week so doesn't need to pay as its half the time(as its nights ) they only count nights?.but doesn't really have her during day!!

OP posts:
Naunet · 27/03/2023 16:32

PinkGirlpower · 27/03/2023 16:29

Oh.he's self employed and has her 3 nights a week so doesn't need to pay as its half the time(as its nights ) they only count nights?.but doesn't really have her during day!!

Why are you tolerating that?! He’s using you as his free childcare in his own time with his daughter??

SheilaFentiman · 27/03/2023 16:34

So do you have one DD together and then you have two kids with a different dad? Or are they all his? If so, why does he only have your DD?

SweetCoriander · 27/03/2023 16:41

PinkGirlpower · 27/03/2023 16:27

Its not fair..but difficult to do any other way as there's not enough bedroomsbin.either house and neither of us.are in a great place financially to change it. He's also autistic but sometimes feel its an excuse..he thinks he will clear up after me but I.was doing a lot when we tried before , it was only temp when my older son stayed at his dads.?but my son wouldnt live with him as he's not very likeable tbh. We should probably just split but I'm.trying for our daughter!

Sorry, who's not very likeable? Your boyfriend, or your ex?

ComtesseDeSpair · 27/03/2023 17:00

I’m unclear what exactly you’re “trying for your daughter.” You live separately. He has her three nights a week. The two of you being “together” and parenting her looks absolutely the same as how it would be if you separated. The only thing that would be different is that you’d no longer have to think about him as anything other than your child’s father and can drop this whole weird charade of a relationship.

Watchkeys · 27/03/2023 17:11

Hello ladies I'm confused ..wheres the line

It's wherever you want to put it. This isn't a formula that you're trying to work out the 'right' answer to. We can't help you.

What's right for you is what makes you happy, so you need to decide where to draw your own lines. What he's doing doesn't suit you. Tell him what you want, and what you need. Leave it with him. If he chooses to do what he needs to do to be your person, great. If not, leave.

Dogsitterwoes · 27/03/2023 17:25

Have you asked him in what way this relationship makes your life easier?

Sounds like shit to me, because of him.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 27/03/2023 17:33

We should probably just split but I'm.trying for our daughter!

Whose sake are you really staying for; hers or more likely your own because its somehow "easier". Its not easier to stay with someone like this man. You have three children, you do not need a manchild.

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