Relationship with toxic sister

[gottabestreet]

My sister is toxic and that's the bottom line.
She is miserable in her life, addiction problems, which I've always been sensitive to and a general need for nastiness, bad mouthing everyone she's meant to like and love and adding exaggerated untrue facts to every story.
It's terrible because I cannot share happiness with her . I cannot confide in her and she is my only sister.
I have gone through the most awful few years and she has used this to seek a sort of superiority over me as her own life is also in turmoil with addiction , interpersonal problems etc.
She speaks very badly about me and all her friends and family so a so sad I cannot and will not trust her with anything.
This leads her to tell all our extended family that I shut her out and she is kept out of everything, which is true but I am sad , so sad about it all.
I feel vulnerable and down that I cannot trust her, cannot talk to her but only to hear back that she has talked shit about me .
Can I ask how you would deal with her please .. if only for my mental health please .
Thank you .

Having a toxic sibling is really hard. Once you realise what you are dealing with, it can feel pretty heartbreaking, particularly when you know that there is nothing you can do to improve the situation.

Some people find that the only option to preserve their own sanity is to go No Contact. It's a hard decision, but you cannot reason with unreasonable people, and if your sibling is bringing nothing but heartache you might ask yourself if you want to continue having them in your life.

Just because you are related doesn't give someone the right to cause you hurt and unhappiness.

Your life. Your choice.

I think you somehow have to find a way to detach from your feelings about her. It is hard to do when you are on the receiving end.

I don't really have much advice, but I can sympathise. I have a sister who is completely toxic and has been absolutely vile to me and all of our siblings. It breaks my heart because I would dearly love for us to have a better relationship, but I think I am finally at a place where I can accept that her behaviour is her decision and whatever shit she is throwing is more a reflection of her own unhappiness.

On a practical note, I would ask people not to relay stories back to you. It doesn't serve you and it only stokes drama and upset. Any time they do, just reiterate that you don't want to hear about anything your sister has said or done.

It's so distressing.
She is so toxic yet I love her .
She shit talks about me but I don't have the strength to go no contact fully.
I could reduce contact a lot

I would be entirely justified in going no contact with mine, but I thought it would just add more drama.

I just ignore her behaviour now. I only get in touch with my sister if I need to, and I keep it neutral.

It must be really hurtful for you