never be the same

[timetocry]

We have chose to separate permanently, for context we have been together 30 years, married for 25. We have separated twice and got back together in that time, we have 3 children together.
We have lived unhappily for many many years, now it's come to the time to separate permanently.
We are having to live in the same house, for now, as finances won't allow us to move out yet.
We talk amicably about our children and that's it.
I have things going on in my life that normally I would turn to him with and I'm sure he has things going on in his life, that normally he would turn to me with.
It's just so sad that we will never again have those conversations and be there for eachother in that way.

You've been with each other for so long, there should be no reason why you still can't be "friends" and open up about things going on in your lives. If you have both accepted that you don't work well being married, maybe you can work well as friends instead.

I feel your pain. Endings are difficult and painful even if you both know it's for the best.

It will get easier with time. I suspect that as you both adjust to the separation you will know what's right in terms of remaining in contact long term purely for dcs or for having some kind of friendship. Don't rush or force anything, just let it pan out as you move forward.

I really hope you both find happier futures.

Thankyou both for your kind words, when we have split in the past, there has been hurt, hate, bitterness, feelings and emotional love, but this time it's the end of the road and it's incredibly sad. Your right that we have been together for so long and maybe in time we will learn to be there for eachother in a different way, but right now, neither of us can face it, there is to much sadness and regret. We will always love eachother, but our journey together has ended, I never thought it would come to this, and it really hurts.

Oh gosh . This sounds painful sorry

I am so sorry for you OP. Can you tell us how you finally decided it was over for good? I am in a very long term relationship too that has been stormy for years. Finally I am beginning to see the light. We deserve better lives. But having several children together and so many memories and friends and relations add to the pain and difficulty. Do you have any support?

We met at 13, dated at 14, ended at 16, no contact for 10 years, then he found his way back to me. At 14, he said you are the girl il marry. It was the biggest love story, but we had a lot of problems. The first time we split, I had a little fling, I was honest about this when we got back together. We started rebuilding our lives, but he harboured resentment, witch I can understand, this eventually gave us more and more problems and we split again, we both found brief relationships with other people, but that was based on bitterness and eventually we forgave and got back together.
This time is different. There's no hate or bitterness. All I can describe it as, is, iv no fight left in me. I wish it could have been different. He was my life my everything, and now he's gone, IV never felt such immense sadness and grief for him for the life I wanted , the life I thought we had together.
I can't exactly describe why now or how I know, but I can tell you this, all the times we were backward and forwards with eachother, someone said to me once, one day, youl just know you can't do this anymore, I wasn't at that point, so I didn't fully understand, but now I know exactly what they meant, it's done, and I am incredibly heartbroken and don't know if I will ever heal.