Need some advice asap please…

[SkywalkerJean]

I have a girl who’s just turned 28 working for me. She suffers badly from MH issues, has a minor disability and is a recovered drug addict.

She has her own place- but for the past year or so her parents have made her move home while she was in recovery- which she took on the chin and we all advised her it was for the best to get away for a while to recover and gain some perspective. Which she has done.

This is where I will add I have worked for her parents in the past- roughly 15 years ago so she was a teenager. Her parents do give her a lot but at the same time they expect things from her that aren’t realistic which she has told me has led to her MH and her turning to drugs because the people made her feel like she “belonged”.

They do speak down to her and I noticed this when I worked for them and honestly they have destroyed her self confidence.

She is doing a lot better- her parents take all her money off her, stress her out and basically emotionally manipulate her which exhausts her and then she doesn’t come to work and they end up having to help her pay her bills (which IMO they know what they are doing and it’s another way to manipulate her)

Im trying to tread carefully- but I have witnessed things that have turned my stomach with my own eyes. I think her mum started to notice I had noticed so was given my notice.

Me and the girl have stayed in touch over the years and when I started my business last year I offered her a job. Which she loves.

Is there anywhere I can point her in the direction of to get some support- she is in tears everyday wanting to go home, but can’t as her parents have all her money. Is there any money she can access (even if she has to pay it back which she will do) to give her a boost start so she has a way to feed herself and get to work so she can pay her bills??

thanks

I'm assuming you pay her ? Surely she just needs to open a new account for her wages that no-one else has access to ?

Or you could give her a loan to help her ? This could be repaid in instalments from her wages ?

I'm no expert, but maybe a domestic abuse charity (Women's Aid) could help.
This is domestic abuse, just not at the hands of a husband/partner.
So kind of you to look out for her x

Why can't she keep the money she earns from you?

What you are describing is financial exploitation. This can be reported as an adult protection concern to your local authority.

It's great that you are so caring.

However, I am confused that you and other friends encouraged her to return to her parents when they are so damaging to her. Surely it would have been better to support her in her own place rather than send her back to toxic parents who will destroy her confidence?

Anyway, you presumably had reasons and in any care that's done now but from what you say the priority must be to get your friend away from her parents. As a PP said, if you're paying your friend's salary, can you not just arrange to pay it to a new account? And/or could you give her a loan to allow her to get back home which she can then repay in instalments from her salary?

… in any case…

Her mum knows what day she gets paid- and makes her give her the money so she can pay her bills. In a way I understand as too am concerned she will go back to drugs and not pay her bills- but on the other hand….it just doesn’t sit right.

I have helped her pay some of her bills (we have agreed a weekly repayment plan) but I’m not in a position to lend her anymore and she needs money for food and petrol to get to work.

Just wondering if she has the support of any fellowship group, Op?
Or has a mentor with same. That could be emotionally and psychologically very supportive. You can also attend these meetings online if there is not one locally. There are fellowships (Anonymous programmes) that are specific to drug addiction recovery as well as more general ones.
It's okay to try as many as you like to find a good fit. They are everywhere and you don't need to be religious.

Financially she could look to see if Universal Credit could support her through a transition back to independence. Consideration is given to those in recovery at what I surmise is a discretionary level.
It does sound like the family dynamic is dysfunctional and it would be better for her to have her own space with clear financial boundaries.