What would you choose.....?

[purpleblossom2021]

Divorced 6 years and have stayed single, bar the odd FWB situation.

Sometimes I wonder if should really make an effort to find a full time partner as I miss the hand holding, snuggling, and knowing someone is there for me.

On the other hand, this weekend I've blown money on silly things with no guilt, shopped for food that suits me, had a relaxing cappuccino and read the papers and live with zero arguments or dramas.

Which life would you prefer in middle age (I'm 50 btw)?

Carry on FWB

No advice but I wonder also and I'm in my 20's. I like the idea of having a close friend or a partner but the thought of that becoming dramatic terrifies me

Why does it have to be an either or? With the right partner , you can have both?

The right partner will be the fuck of the century whilst going with you to shop for whatever you want.

If I find myself in this position I think I'd opt for the FWB choice. I too would like the freedom to do what I want when I want, eat what I like, go where I want without having to consider someone else. I'm also less tolerant as I've got older, so don't want to put up with someone else's irritating habits, or them hogging the bed. I've always been a solitary type, and I'm quite happy sitting in silence without the need for every quiet moment to be filled with chatter, so wouldn't bother me to be on my own.

You can have all those lovely weekend things with the right partner and no drama

I like my living apart relationship personally - we go on dates, have great sex, I get all the best bits of a relationship really - without our fortunes being entwined or domestic drudgery. (That said, I am somewhat afraid that my picker is still for shit, so I would be afraid to risk more commitment.)

I enjoy my alone time so it works for me. I'm a similar age to you.

I can't imagine sharing my home again, tbh.

I was single over a decade and then started dating an ex colleague a few months ago. The sex is amazing, but he’s doing my head in! He’s got hardly any time (not his fault) but he’s poor at communicating and half the time I suspect he’s bullshitting me. If the sex wasn’t as good I’d have completely walked weeks ago. Instead I’m half hanging, half mentally preparing my online dating profile (including getting photos ready). I’m annoyed as I was really happy single, now I feel like I’d really like a relationship as not just the sex but I enjoyed the kissing, cuddling, just waking up with someone snuggled up to you. Also that initial attraction, where you felt like a teenager. Loved that. My advice, stay single, last few weeks have been nothing but a headache for me and now I’m invested it’s hard to walk away

Given my circumstances (me and DH suit each other perfectly, a partnerhip of equals, share the workload, laugh loads, lots in common but also our own interests / friends....) then I'd choose this.

But if that all ended I wouldn't look for someone else. I think at the most I'd like to have someone to go out for a meal with or a walk, or as a plus one to a wedding, but nothing committed.

If you can find the 'right' person then life is great.
If you're happily single then life is great.

I'm 50. I can't see any real benefits to getting into a committed relationship that aren't outweighed by the negatives. FWB all the way for me!

On the other hand, this weekend I've blown money on silly things with no guilt, shopped for food that suits me, had a relaxing cappuccino and read the papers and live with zero arguments or dramas.

I've also done all of these things this weekend, and have been happily married for 25 years. Any drama in my life come from my teens, not my DH.

I had a life like yours for several years. Financially independent, pleased myself where I went, what I did, etc etc. FWB when I wanted him. Everything hunky dory.
Then I met a guy, dated and shagged for a couple of years, enjoyed his company, had fun with no angst, arguments or emotional hard labour.
Out if the blue and only a week after the L-word he proposed. I was surprised at myself that the thought of being married to him didn't feel like giving up the things I valued about my life but that he would add to those things.
I was not mistaken and we have been happy together for 40 years.
So live the life that makes you happy and don't change unless that change enhances it.

Well, this week, I’m happy with pottering about on my own and meeting up with friends and family.

Next week, I might want to shag anything with a pulse.

Or I might not.

So if there’s a guy out there that’s happy with companionship, going out for meals, theatre, walks, bike rides, etc. understands affection isn’t a precursor to sex, and won’t take it as a crushing blow to his attractiveness and masculinity if I’m saying “not tonight dear” more often than not..

.. he’ll have to fall into my lap because I can’t be arsed to go out looking for him.

That’s perimenopause for ya! (well, me, anyway)

On a more serious note, comparatively, it’s only a small amount of time I feel lonely for specifically male company (not necessarily sex) so I tend to think “this too will pass” when I get to feeling all unlovable and alone. And it does.