I’m with @MsPavlichenko on this! A lot of the love that goes in to raising dc is practical in nature. So it’s great that your dh is emotionally available to his dc but if he is physically absent, doesn’t even make much of an effort at weekends by the sound of it, he isn’t as good a father as you are saying.
And of course him saying “you knew what I was like when you married me” is utter nonsense and blame-shifting because as MsPavlichenko says, all of your responsibilities and expectations have by necessity to be reset when dc come along. You can’t just carry on in the same way!
And unless there’s an enormous drip feed about to come and he earns mountains of riches or he is about to cure cancer single handed (and even then he still has a responsibility to be a decent husband and parent) I really don’t think you need to feel guilty about your part in “letting” him behave this way. You wouldn’t have to “let” him if he had stepped up in the first place. Also why is it a wife’s job to monitor, police and motivate a husband
so he’ll cooperate in family life?
Op, be prepared that if your dc are young teens, there is still quite a lot of intense, important, parenting to do: lots of chauffeuring around, cooking huge amounts of food, exam stress, exhausting emotional stuff over friendships and gfs and bfs, the usual teen rebellions, establishing them at uni or college and so on. Do you think this will be easier with your husband’s semi-detached contribution or would it be better parenting alone on your own terms in a home that runs to your tune? Will divorcing force his hand and make him be more involved with the dc at weekends or will it all still be on you?
Good luck with your decision. I’ve been married a similar length of time and it’s definitely not easy. And there are still a lot of men, particularly of our generation, who think it’s ok to behave in an antediluvian fashion when it comes to family life.
As an aside, I’ve been listening to some podcasts recently featuring Alastair Campbell. Someone you would think would be fairly up to speed with equality in the home. But in one podcast he talked to Rory Stewart about “asking his wife more often about what he could do to help” - he obviously has no notion of wife work or the mental load - how no husband should have to ask, because if they were sufficiently involved they would know what needed doing - and in another podcast he confessed to having virtually never cooked a meal. It’s put me right off him tbh.
My point is that most men of our age still suffer from an ingrained rather entitled bias that home and family is the women’s domain, and that’s not going to suddenly change after thirty years, even post retirement.