Do you think that people who protect their boundaries slightly stronger in abusive relationships tend to experience more physical abuse?

[Justwondering3]

If the abuse is just the tool to get the job done (power and control) do you think the above applies?

People who put their needs and feelings aside quicker experience less physical abuse? I experienced emotional and mental abuse and threats of physical because it worked and I very easily ignored myself because of my childhood experiences. I know this because he told me he was very capable of being physical.

Having to hit someone is much more telling of their bad side and motive and very hard for them to come back from I would have thought. So more of a last resort when all else fails?

@Watchkeys you are right.

There really is no fault. My mum did all she knew from her upbringing and her mum was brought up by her aunt as her mum died giving birth and the father was nowhere to be seen. She always tell stories of how nobody wanted her. Its sad really sad.

I want to break this cycle I really do, it will be my purpose for this my life for my own children. To raise them to be the best version of themselves, to know they are loved even when they feel unlovable and to teach them the importance of boundaries and self love. In the meantime to enjoy what time I have left as I’ve wasted enough time now.

My oldest is 7, I hope it’s not too late. I’ve not been the best mum I can be so far.

And then I guess my dad who I loved dearly modelled a relationship where he let her off, tried not to set her off. He was so kind, we are very similar. Well he died a few years back. Living with my mum made him so bitter he was utterly miserable in his life it really breaks my heart. My mum couldn’t even allow him to be scared about his own death. It was just the worst experience to be part of.

I took all his photos off the wall because I didn’t want my mum to feel bad when she came over because I didn’t want pictures of her on the wall. I didn’t know why then I just didn’t want to see her face. I’m looking around now and I miss his face.

A few of my friends commented that he would have been proud of me. I always worried he would have been ashamed of me. But I really don’t think he would have been. God I wish he was here, he was the only person I ever had.

My ex started to get physical when I asserted my boundaries.

He'd never been physical before but something snapped in me when he started to emotionally abuse me (he did it over a wide array of things) when I said I wanted to go out for tea with a female work colleague. He tried every trick in the book, ignoring me, shouting, banging and crashing, being nice, swearing but I wouldn't budge and said I was still going, I could see he was getting more and more wound up and frustrated as it was the first time in 9 years I'd stood up to him. I remember him going absolutely mad at me and in utter frustration kicked me as hard as he could in the shin, I thought he'd broken my leg, so when he said if you go out don't bother coming home, I took him at his word and did exactly that.

@CleaningOutMyCloset that was the same as me but over a different argument. He threw something that missed me and hit our 3 year old. He told me to leave otherwise he’d do something we both regret. I took my daughter and the dog. And for some stupid reason I have absolutely no idea as to why to this day I also took a frozen pizza. As if I couldn’t turn up unannounced to my mums without dinner.