If you are n/c with your family, how do you feel about it?

[Minimalme]

Wondered if anyone wanted to chat about the ongoing realities of being no contact with parents and siblings?

I went no contract with parent, Auntie and cousins 2 years ago and with two siblings six months ago. I am in contact and very close to my remaining sibling, who is also no contact like me.

I was raised, and almost destroyed, by an alcoholic Father and Mother with psychopathic traits.

I am completely no contact, I have moved 200 miles away and changed my name.

Lots of therapy over 15 years has helped me process the pain, but my life is one of two distinct halves which I struggle to reconcile.

I am lucky because I have a husband and three dc who are totally wonderful.

Anyone else in similar circs?

I chose to go NC with my DM, and my DF (they are divorced) was coerced to cut me off by his DW. All happened quite a few years apart.

I absolutely don’t regret having NC with my DM but with my DF it pains me but as time has gone on (15 years now) I also feel some anger that he is a spineless man who lets his DW rule him. I’ve tried reaching out to him three times but nothing in return. They all
live in another country (long-haul distance) so no hope of just bumping into them or turn up unannounced.

Some day they will pass away (DF now 84 so not young) and I don’t know how I will feel. Barely anyone knows I am NC as I feel people judge and have an attitude of being in contact no matter how you are treated. If I feel grief at DF passing away I know I won’t be able to share with anyone except DH because people will judge me and I worry I will implode with unaddressed anger and grief at my early life. With DM I feel no such worries.

One day I will seek some counselling but right now I feel like my past can stay where it is and I’ll wait until the Covid backlog for counselling clears.

I hope you can find inner peace one day with the support of your lovely family 💐

Honestly feel pure relief. I used to let them rule my life, if my phone rang and it was then the sheer panic that I had to answer immediately I can't even explain. Do what ever was asked/told of me. I now feel very free.

I definitely feel free and don't regret cutting my Mum out of my life.

It is really complicated with my siblings because they told me they love me and yet they cut off my other sibling for doing thee same thing as I did.

I realised in thee wends that they had become complicit in the abuse and I had to cut ties.

I'm sorry your Father has treated you so badly @Strawbee

Sometime I think men hide behind the women in their life because they are too spineless to own their decisions.

I have read it loads on here when a father has rejected his adult child in favour of his new partner and I always wonder if that's the real reason.

My Dad died a few years ago - I can see now that he was complicit in the abuse and played the 'what can I do - your Mother treats me so badly' card.

At least my Mum was artlessly cruel. My Dad used his charm and charisma to duck out of being a parent.