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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner doesn't love me anymore

18 replies

User285862 · 26/03/2023 08:21

My partner of 7 years has just told me he doesn't love me anymore. We aren't married but own a house and have a dog together. Please someone tell me what to do. My family don't live in the UK

OP posts:
Sunflowergirl1 · 26/03/2023 08:24

Well some on here will,tell you to look out for "The Script" which is him preparing you that he hasn't been happy for a while, it's your fault when what has happened is he has met someone else.

My reality is that if he isn't Bally, or indeed has another women, you have to come to terms pretty quickly. At least you are not married or have kids so I'd work on making it as quick as possible and lean on friends to help your heart

Lesvacances · 26/03/2023 08:29

Yes. Sorry. Cherchez la femme.
It’s tough but you need to do everything to protect yourself in the future. Be ruthless and choose what steps you want to take.
Don't do the pick me dance.

Stefania22 · 26/03/2023 08:31

Oh so sorry to hear that. Do you have any friends in the UK that can offer you some moral support? Do you work?
you could try to ask him if he thinks something has changed in the relationship and counselling might help. However, Sometimes we just have to accept the reality and move on. But when you have a house and a dog it might be difficult. It could mean that you have to put the house for sale and each of you go their own way and buy your own place. With regards to the dog, it might mean one person keeps it and then the other shares the care.
personally, I think you need friends/family to support you if he doesn’t want to make it work . I presumed you’ve made a life of yourself in the UK. Are you happy here? Do you want to stay? If so, then throw yourself in new things, could be a new job, a new gym, a new course etc. anything you think it might help you keep busy or take a long holiday solo or with companies that offer single holidays.
whatever you do, make sure you are gonna be happy.

Original poster
User285862 · 26/03/2023 08:34

I am from the UK but my parents moved abroad. I feel numb I think I'm in shock I can't even cry. My mum has said she will get a flight here. I am 29 and was hoping to have kids in a few years. I just can't see what my future will look like now other than very bleak

OP posts:
MrsRickAstley · 26/03/2023 08:36

Be thankful you don't have children with him.

Honestly I know it doesn't feel like it but you will
survive. And then you will triumph.

For now, one hour and one day at a time.

x

Original poster
User285862 · 26/03/2023 08:39

I feel like my 20s has just been a waste now

OP posts:
CoosLick · 26/03/2023 08:42

User285862 · 26/03/2023 08:34

I am from the UK but my parents moved abroad. I feel numb I think I'm in shock I can't even cry. My mum has said she will get a flight here. I am 29 and was hoping to have kids in a few years. I just can't see what my future will look like now other than very bleak

I know it's hard to imagine right now as your world has been turned upside down, but you will be happy again. I was older than you when I met and married my husband. We have since gone on to have 2 children. Taking the emotion out if it (hard, I know), you don't want to be with someone who doesn't love you. Like others have said, better to split now before children are involved as that would make it 100 times harder. Don't waste any time trying to rekindle things, as hurtful as it is, he doesn't love you. There's no going back from that. Time to move on and find someone who does.

xfan · 26/03/2023 11:50

CoosLick · 26/03/2023 08:42

I know it's hard to imagine right now as your world has been turned upside down, but you will be happy again. I was older than you when I met and married my husband. We have since gone on to have 2 children. Taking the emotion out if it (hard, I know), you don't want to be with someone who doesn't love you. Like others have said, better to split now before children are involved as that would make it 100 times harder. Don't waste any time trying to rekindle things, as hurtful as it is, he doesn't love you. There's no going back from that. Time to move on and find someone who does.

Show quote history

Nobody knows whether you will meet someone else or not, as in "true love" nobody is the Oracle but since most women settle as they want children you may end up doing the same.

Dery · 26/03/2023 11:51

Your 20s haven’t been a waste. Just because a relationship comes to an end doesn’t mean that it’s been a waste. You’ll have learnt very valuable lessons about what you want or don’t want in relationships. You’ll have learnt things about yourself.

It is extremely painful when your life plans are changed against your will. It’s heartbreaking when someone you love no longer loves you. But you will get through this. It will take time and the process won’t be entirely entirely linear but you’ll get there. For now, take time to grieve and look after yourself and let your mum look after you.

Elieza · 26/03/2023 12:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this. What a shock.

It’s happened to most of us tbh. Male and female. I was in my thirties. Felt my whole adult life was a waste.

Years on from that I’m glad we split when we did. Imagined myself going through that in later life. It would have been tough.

The biggest mistake people I know have made us to try and be thoughtful to the other person and take less so they can have more in some misguided attempt at some psychological thing to make themselves feel better. I’d caution against this.

Take what you are due from the house sale. Make sure you don’t get ‘done’. One if you could buy the other out or the house sold and proceeds split on a fair way. Don’t rush into anything unless it sounds like it will benefit you. Take legal advice if you need it.

itwasntmetho · 26/03/2023 12:06

Exactly the same happened to me at the same age, I’m 42 now and still angry that I wasted my 20s in my case no other woman and he didn’t have a girlfriend for nearly a year after. He didn’t want kids and knew we were getting to the point where it was time to grow the fuck up and let me have something real. he was terrified of parenthood and tbh he was also very immature.

lemoncurd1995 · 26/03/2023 12:23

Op. I'm so sorry first of all.

2nd of all. I left my partner of 8 years when I was 28. We had a house and a dog too. He hadn't loved me in years. We had also been trying for a baby (god knows why)

Fast forward 2 years, I found the partner of my dreams, we are engaged and life couldn't be more perfect.

I felt the same as you, like there was no happiness and I'd never be happy again. Something better is waiting for you, you will be the happiest you've ever been in the future i promise xx

BrainOnFire · 26/03/2023 12:27

Sorry to hear this OP - what a terrible shock for you. I am sure you will find love and happiness again in the future, but I understand that seems a long way away right now Flowers

CoosLick · 26/03/2023 19:13

xfan · 26/03/2023 11:50

Nobody knows whether you will meet someone else or not, as in "true love" nobody is the Oracle but since most women settle as they want children you may end up doing the same.

Show quote history

Glass half empty?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 26/03/2023 19:15

Must feel awful now but on the flip side OP, you didn’t waste your 30s on him- you haven’t got kids and all that drama. I’ll be honest it sounds like the start of the script for sure. Be kind to yourself and start making plans to sell.

spexsavers · 26/03/2023 19:37

What to do? Spend a few hours crying your eyes out then once that's all out your system, get focussed on you. Get yourself in the mindset where you don't need ANY man, let alone one that lets you down. Thank your lucky stars this isn't ten years down the line where you have kids with him and he devastated them too. He's not the one, he seemed like it but he just isn't. Once you've got your own heart mended and standards set, the one will come along. Look forward, not back.

Nowhereelsetogo90 · 26/03/2023 19:40

Let it hurt like hell for now. It’ll get better. My ex and I split after ten years when I was a year and a bit younger than you. I felt I’d wasted my entire adult life on him. Six months later I met my now DH. What’s meant for you won’t pass you.

Goatbilly · 26/03/2023 20:47

What about the people who didn't go on to meet someone? Why is the only happy ending ever paraded when these threads come up about meeting someone else and usually in record time of 6 months to a year?! There must be a level of settling going on

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