What is the difference between 'settling' and reasonable compromise?

[settlingpoendering]

When I was growing up were always told that relationships are about compromise, working through things and commitment etc. I searched for 'settling' on mumsnet and a thread from 2010 said it's normal to settle. But now recent threads say this is a terrible idea. I feel like there is now an idea that we should have high standards.

I'm just generally confused now. What are the kinds of things it is reasonable to compromise on in a relationship? What is the difference between this and settling?

What is it you feel guilty about? Sounds good to me. You and your DP get on, your DC likes him, you have good sex and feel comfortable together. Are there other things you're not sure about?

Honestly, the adrenaline rushes involved in being with someone unreliable are exciting at the time and make you feel very connected to them but it's all based on a lack of a stable foundation and that must be so draining in the long run. You're not compromising by eschewing this intensity for a more consistent feeling.

I would see settling vs compromise as a balance of how many points there were that didn't make me happy or we weren't compatible on and how I felt. Similar to what others have said.

I'm mid 30s and want a family. I seriously considered settling with one of a couple of men who liked me a lot, decent men, smart, kind, etc. but just no romantic spark for me, or even a great deal in common. It would've actually been quite hard living as a couple I think.

Compromise would be feeling that spark, stuff in common plus mutual desire but some differences or obstacles such as distance or perhaps you don't agree with their job or their politics. Those things that aren't deal breakers but ideally would be more aligned.

No one is going to tick every box, what you need to do in think long term. Is this "thing" that I don't like now going to be a big deal in 20 years time