Can you become non codependent or do you have to remain single?

[Justwondering3]

I’ve kind of just come to the realise my relationship was abusive and co-dependent. He was narcissistic and me co-dependent. It lasted a decade.

Can you still have a relationship and learn?

Yes you can learn, we are all continuous works in progress. You have to seek counselling or peer support, be very self aware, understand and recognise the patterns and divert them at the early stage of a relationship before it becomes part of the relationship dynamic.

Once dynamics are set in a particular relationship, it is extremely hard /basically impossible to change them.

Probably best to take a couple of years out and do the self work first, investbin yourself and your own life, but it can be done.

I am in another relationship and I’ve scared myself with what I’ve learnt about myself. I was the one to leave the abusive relationship and I knew in a way why I left. I spent 2 years alone and then by accident met a really lovely man.

I don’t see any of the signs from before in this relationship. I don’t seek to control or use him for anything. He makes me feel safe and I can tell him anything. Well I don’t tell all as it’s not necessary. He needs nothing from me like the relationship before, he doesn’t need fixing, I take him how he is.

One major thing is he didn’t save me, I saved myself before I met him. I owe him nothing but what I want to give.