Agreed to separate with husband

[Exworrier]

Weve been married for 7y, together for 10y. We have a 5yo and 1yo. Things went shit during covid and have never recovered. We were feeling like things were getting back to normal in 2021 and conceived DS2 but that just sent things down the pan again. We've both tried working on things for about 2 years but we end up arguing about the same things almost every month - not enough sex and affection (him) and too much on my shoulders, him not pulling his weight (me)

I tried to speak to him the night before mothers day but he got moody, was rolling his eyes and wasnt listening. I ended up crying myself to sleep next to him and he didnt even say anything. That was what made me realise no more of this. I want to be happy again.

Havent spoken properly since, just put up false pretences for the kids. We sat down tonight and I told him I think we need to split, we arent making eachother happy anymore, weve tried but its not worked. I love him but I am no longer in love with him. I feel sad but mainly just for the upheaval of the kids.

We rent a house from his parents and I work part-time and do the childcare half of the week. He works full time but he also does a day of childcare.

Can anyone give me any practical advice? where do we even begin?

I’m really sorry to hear you’re going through this - so very hard. I’m afraid I don’t really have any practical advice - hopefully others will be along with it. I have children the same age as yours and my relationship with my husband has been in the worst place for a few years now - like with you, the issues initially started in 2020 during covid. I think you are brave to make this decision and I just wanted to say you are not alone. Hope you find the happiness you deserve.

Thanks for your kind words @MysteryBandit85 are you separating, or considering it?

We haven’t discussed anything at all yet. We’ve just been going along like everything is fine and behaving like two friends that live together. It feels equal parts awkward and like a relief.

You’re welcome. We have discussed it a few times over the last few years but never gone through with it - I think partly because with our kids the ages they are (1 and 5 like yours) we don’t have time or energy to put the wheels in motion. We slip back into the state you have described which feels very odd. I honestly don’t know whether we are going to be able to improve things enough to stay together long-term and I think we both swing between wanting to try and wanting to throw the towel in. Are you still planning to do it? I think it’s quite hard not to slip back into acting like housemates as it’s hard to continue the conversation if your children are there during the day and you want things to seem ok for them.

This is why I won't live with my.partner because if you want to leave - where do you go??
with kid unless you work.n.earn a lot !? I had this situation years ago and is really upsetting ..make HIM leave can you??

@MysteryBandit85 Ah i relate so much.
I’m not sure. We have been getting on well since we talked. Having nice family days etc and I feel a lot of pressure has lifted, but I feel like hes kind of being on his best behaviour. Its been really hard not to show him physical affection. I’m not really sure what to do.