Support group

[Lucy41]

I joined a support group for domestic violence.
I had a one to one session with the group leader today and I’ve felt so upset since.
I explained that my husband often criticises me,
belittles and can be verbally abusive. He has also been physical (a hit in the back,
trying to get keys out my hand and crushing hand, thrown water on me during an argument)
Hes also intimidating getting really close to me and shouting in m face. I explained to the group leader that there had been an incident a few weeks ago with my son and I’d gotten involved.
Her response was that maybe my husband felt like I was undermining his authority and maybe I should step back !!!!!!
she then said that maybe I should be more positive with my husband about the good things he does as that might be what he needs.
I joined the group for help and not to be blamed for his behaviour.
AIBU ?

I should also mention that I told her he can be charming and lovely during the calm periods and she replied that I should stay as there were periods of calm and he could be good during these times. I thought that a group leader would know this is part of the cycle ?

Very, very bizarre. If the person wasn’t there, they don’t have insight ( and therefore no opinion)
It sounds like this person is trying to normalise the abuse, saying look at it my way and it’s normal. Abuse is never normal.
Maybe you’d be better speaking to Women’s Aid and starting to plan a route out of this abuse?

Does this group leader have any qualifications, validation from professional bodies? Or self appointed ?

She is a qualified psychologist and has been practicing for 30 years and running the group for a number of years.

Goodness that’s surprising then. I really take it as she’s normalising your husband’s behaviour. Perhaps speak to Women’s Aid to get another perspective. Her comment about undermining his authority is odd — who says he has authority over you?

she meant that I was interfering with his way of educating my son.