Broke up with my husband

[sparkle2345]

So I've just split with my husband
Of 12 years (16 together) After he had an affair with a work colleague and I tried for 6 months to get back on track, it's just not worked

He's gone out to his friends tonight
I don't really have any
I've not told my family anything yet but they did know we have been having problems last year but I can't cope with them too

So the kids are here 10,16 and are in there room (there choice)
But what do I do now?
I don't want to sit and wollow but I'm really hurting and feel like I've failed 😢😢

But he has treated you badly so deserves their bad opinion. Tell your family, take the support if they give it. Reach out where you can. Hugs.

You absolutely need their love and support. You’ve been struggling for so long alone, and with a clearly unremorseful cheat which is a special kind of hell. This is not healthy for you. Your mental and emotional health comes before the need to protect his ‘reputation’.

It’s time to put yourself first, it’s time for your healing to come first.

Sparkle do not try to protect him, he was the one who cheated and there's no need to conceal that. Right now, whilst you are hurting, you need the love and support of your family and to feel you have people who are close to you on your side. Reach out to them and tell them how you feel, you owe him and his reputation nothing.

Wow OP you're far too good for him. You're worried that people might think badly of him when he didn't give a second thought to your feelings when he was having the affair.
You need to start putting yourself first, stop worrying about his sorry arse and get yourself some love and support from your family.

I know you all probably think I'm
Stupid

No I don’t. I think your an kind, compassionate, thoughtful wife who was trying to hold her family together and gave her husband a second chance. It’s very VERY hard with infidelity to really see the person you loved through the new lens. We often want to hold onto who we thought they were. But we have to say the words and face our new reality of them head on.

Part of that is seeking support from and being honest with those we feel safe with. If you’re not ready to be angry, to rage about him, then don’t, but saying the words, facing the truth is a path to healing.

What you need to do OP
Is black sack all his belongings, text him to let him Know you have done this. Tell him you want the black bags gone by 8pm tonight along with his house keys
as they are blocking your exit route from the front door.

He does not deserve you to be accommodating, if he wants to play around you have to be steps ahead

@sparkle2345

You're not stupid at all. I only told my closest friend when I found out about my husbands affair. We were supposedly trying to work things out and I didn't want anyone to know.

When I found out 4 months later he'd continued the affair all along I kicked him out and told everyone everything. There may be a part of you that still wants to save your marriage but you should not have to keep quiet about what he has done.

No need to keep it from your kids either. He is at fault, he destroyed your marriage and family. You owe him nothing.

Not stupid at all Sparkle, just someone very kind and forgiving who tried to give him a second chance. You will feel better with some comfort from your family so do turn to them for support.

They have tried to contact me this afternoon but I didn't reply much
I haven't heard from them for a week

Husband has just come home and I said have you seen my family he said no and asked why
And I said cause they have been texting me
And then told me where he had been and now has a tone and gone in the bath

Well he just told me that his sister brother and there partners all know about the affair and have done for months

When I saw them I thought it was me feeling they were off
Apparently not

I'm so hurt and I've told him I'm
Not moving out of the house and he needs to go

I've message my mum this evening

Good for you telling your Mum - don't hold back on telling people what's happening. members of your family could be trying to contact you for many reasons - call them back in the morning - you'll be needing their support

As for everyone in his family knowing for months - well remember you can't trust a word that comes out of his mouth. He could very well be lying to wind you up. Either way it doesn't matter as what's happening is between you and him.

Well done Sparkle, that's a start. And if you can reach out to other members of your family too that would be good as you need support. Don't sugar coat it either to protect his so called reputation! It sounds as though he has been sharing details of his affair with his family for ages. No wonder you felt an 'off' vibe from them, they probably felt uncomfortable. Next step, take some legal advice, you will feel better if you know where you stand.

Is the suggestion that the OP's parents, family ,and friends would not be supportive if they were not given the salacious details? Is their support conditioned upon knowing all of the particular? My family and friends care about me ,and the fact that I would be in pain and going through a difficult time would be sufficient for them to offer all available support. They would not need or require that I share any details , my pain and not details of his cheating would spur the out pouring of support and assistance that I would need.

I guess that families can be different. My family would not need or necessarily expect me to say anything more than the relationship is ending and that it is difficult for me.

Oh don't be so sanctimonious -
it's not salacious to tell your friends and family that your husband cheated on you.

And it's obviously far more painful to split up because your partner betrayed you and let you down in that way, than some other reasons, (like mutually agreeing a split because you've fallen out of love or whatever).

And plenty of families will be supportive, but unless they have the facts and understand how broken it is, may encourage you to "sort it out" in some way, or say accidentally hurtful things because the poor buggers don't know your sore spots.

Unfortunately, the majority of relationships, end. Even the majority of marriages.

It's only a failure if you can't get back up from it.

Partners are seldom forever. It sounds like this one one worked quite well for a while. You married...had kids...it's just ran it's course now.

It'll hurt for a while but ultimately you'll probably find you enjoy being single more than you expected. Sooner thab expected too, considering you've probably knew it was a possibility for quite some time.

You'll get through it. Just, be kind to yourself.