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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Says he's interested but we never go out

17 replies

Tcbay52 · 23/03/2023 21:22

The story goes like this. My crush flirted with me and suggested to start hanging out regularly but neither of us ever made any plans. He seemed interested but finally I got pissed because he never made actual plans with me and thought he was a player so I started acting like he didn't exist. He stared at me a lot and seemed upset, after a while he started avoiding me. Then I asked him out to get rid of the uncertainty & got no answer. We started talking again though. When I asked him out the 2nd time he said he really wanted to but he was travelling at that time and I believe he did. He started texting me all the time for weeks, he'd mostly text first, he was flirty too. However, irl he was avoiding me, he would literally run away when he saw me. I told him that I noticed he was acting like that but he denied he ever avoided me or ran away.. He suggested via text to meet again but this time he wanted our friend to be with us too, which made me confused. I said I wanted it to be just the two of us. Again no plans were made. I messaged him that he's being manipulative and I have no more time to lose if he's not meeting up, I added that it doesn't take much effort to text. I said I wouldn't entertain him again until he took action. He stopped texting me as much. After a week he replied he was sorry that he didn't arrange a hang out and that he wants to continue what we have, he was flirty again. I said I was glad he's being honest and flirted with him a little to give some encouragement. The problem is, he's still not making any actual plans. What should I do? I feel if he wanted to, he really would at this point..

OP posts:
category12 · 23/03/2023 21:25

I feel if he wanted to, he really would at this point..

Yes.

Opentooffers · 23/03/2023 21:34

Move on, he likes the idea of it and it massages his ego to know you are up for it. But when it comes to reality, he's not bothered to put any effort in. It's a non- starter if there's no effort. You've layed it out for him, time step away now.

DigitalTranny · 23/03/2023 21:46

He doesn’t want to ask you out because he is either:

  • immature
  • a headfucker
  • inexperienced with women
  • doesn’t want to pay for the date
  • not really into you but wants the ego boost
Another possibility is that he is waiting for you to initiate so if it all goes pear-shaped he will wash his hands and blame it on you, saying that you wanted it (more than him). This way you will fall flat on your face and he won’t, his dignity remaining intact. Naice! You have no idea how lucky you are if he never asks you out!
Isthisexpected · 23/03/2023 21:47

Why are you wasting your headspace on this loser?!

Ducklips71 · 23/03/2023 21:51

Are you really confused as to whether he's interested or not? Really? I'll be kind and just say actions speak louder than words

Pseudonamed · 23/03/2023 21:59

If a man is interested you will know, if he is not you will be confused.

Walk away from him.

Cinecitta · 23/03/2023 22:24

I think he has a small dick and he doesn’t want you to realise this 😐

Aquamarine1029 · 23/03/2023 22:26

If a man is interested in you, you know it. This loser can't be bothered.

Want better for yourself and block him.

Dery · 23/03/2023 22:42

Agree with PP - stop wasting time, energy and thought on this guy who won’t even go on a date with you. Ignore what this man says - look at what he does. He’s not interested enough to make this happen. Move on and leave him behind.

Dacadactyl · 23/03/2023 22:49

Aquamarine1029 · 23/03/2023 22:26

If a man is interested in you, you know it. This loser can't be bothered.

Want better for yourself and block him.

This.

Eatentoomanyroses · 23/03/2023 23:07

ffs this one is useless. He doesn’t want to see you or date you. Only communicate with men who are actively trying to see you and date you. They don’t get to date you by text message. It’s actually very simple.

ElmTree22 · 30/03/2023 09:46

He's just not that into you.

Sillybollocks · 30/03/2023 16:58

he wants to continue what we have

It's this. He likes having someone to flirt with and text etc but not the reality of a relationship or dating. No idea why although the bit about asking you out with someone else there- like a chaperone- could suggest he has a girlfriend and doesn't consider the text stuff as cheating but an in person meeting would be going too far. I'd just move on. It's not going anywhere.

TheCelt · 30/03/2023 17:47

To me it sounds like he's already involved with someone but likes the ego boost of flirting with you.

xPaz · 30/03/2023 17:50

I feel for you, it's not even a mixed message. It's a clear ''I don't want to go out with you but I'm getting something out of dangling you for a while''

Do not message him or email him. When he sees you're losing interest he may pull some small minor effort out of the bag to reel you back in, don't be fooled. It'll be something small and temporary to keep you on the hook, that's all.

Greengrassoh · 04/07/2023 14:25

It’s not exactly Romeo and Juliet is it?

Summerskies2023 · 04/07/2023 14:36

xPaz · 30/03/2023 17:50

I feel for you, it's not even a mixed message. It's a clear ''I don't want to go out with you but I'm getting something out of dangling you for a while''

Do not message him or email him. When he sees you're losing interest he may pull some small minor effort out of the bag to reel you back in, don't be fooled. It'll be something small and temporary to keep you on the hook, that's all.

I couldn't agree more

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