How can I get rid of him

[SpinningFloppa]

Please don’t comment if you are just going to be rude or judge me. I know I made a massive mistake here. My ex didn’t bother with my children for 2 years, after 2 years no contact he wanted to see them, I took advice online and was told that he should see them and start up contact again. I did this but it isn’t going well, he is very inconsistent, and isn’t able to have them on his own, lots of reasons for this so contact needs to be supervised. He has been pushing boundaries and it’s not working out. I don’t want to continue with this and supervising contact I am very uncomfortable with him and I know letting him back to see them was a mistake. Last night he text me asking to borrow money!!!!! I’ve only seen him 3 times since contact started again and he is asking me for money! I am very concerned about this behaviour I can’t even imagine asking him to borrow money he has plenty of friends and siblings to ask (no parents) this man doesn’t even pay child maintenance!!! How on earth can I get rid of him now? My children don’t want to see him either because when he comes here he just falls asleep. If I block him I’m worried he will turn up. (Yes I know I’ve posted about him before please don’t comment just to repeat that I know this was a stupid mistake I have felt guilty about my children not having a father)

If your kids don't want to see him, there's your answer. Better no father in their lives than a shit one like this. All the guilt is his, not yours. Just because he turns up doesn't mean you have to let him in.

Are they his kids too?

When he asks for money, say no.

Don't facilitate contact at your house. Tell him if he wants contact it will need to be at his place, or somewhere else.

Yes they are his children, they don’t care if they see him he wanted to come for my sons birthday and my son said he doesn’t want him here. He just sleeps, he doesn’t interact with them and will only take them to the park at the corner of our street he won’t take them anywhere else. He makes promises to take them to the cinema then doesn’t do it and it’s only to watch films he wants to watch (nothing that they want to watch) I’m scared if I block him he will show up.

Do You have social services involved? You mention supervised contact and other issues so i am assuming you have a social worker or similar?
That would be your first port of call to ask for advise/support.
If you are currently using your house to facilitate contact you can simply say no to that and then your ex will have to find a suitable alternative for his visits - even if that is a court appointed place. Is there another relative that you would be able to play the role of supervisor for visits?

No no social workers just supervised by me and there is no court order. Supervised by me as I don’t trust him alone with the children and he can’t cope with them alone (they have sen)

If there is no court order and social services are not involved - then you simply say no.
I don't say this lightly and I'm sure that's harder than it sounds but that's what you need to do.
Tell him you will no longer facilitate contact at your home. If he wants to see the kids you arrange a mutually convenient time and he comes to pick them up and takes them somewhere.
As for the kids expressing they don't want to see him. I think that largely depends on their ages. If they are older their opinions would be taken into account at any family court. You may need to see a solicitor to get a child arrangement order in place.

Just say no. He would have to get off his backside and approach SS or a solicitor and it doesn’t sound like he would.

No he would never do anything like that. Unfortunately my son saw the text message as I had put my sim card in his phone last night but forgot about it.

Don’t feel guilty op. You gave him a chance for your kids sake and it hasn’t worked out.

His behaviour shows that he doesn’t want it to work out. He isn’t actually spending time with them and I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s pretending to be asleep. Its a token effort at best and it doesn’t sound like he’s going to put up much of a fight when you tell him it’s not working.

Text him telling him it’s stopping. Someone on here can help you format a text. If he turns up don’t answer the door or call the police if he’s argumentative.

Why don’t you claim maintenance from him?

If he shows up, don't answer the door to him and don't let him in.
Call the police if he makes a scene outside.

Never feel guilty about DC "not having a father" when that father is a useless tool.

My children don’t want to see him either because when he comes here he just falls asleep.

There you go then.
Tell him the DC don't want to see him,& see how he responds.
He may back off (he's clearly not bothered about being a reliable or consistent dad).
If he decided her DOES want to see them, you won't legally be able to deny him that.
But I would just stop responding to him & hope he fades out. He's unlikely to take you to court for access, given how lax he;s been to date.

I would text him back
"😂lend you money? ha ha nice try. I've contacted CMS about the support you've never bothered giving your children, piss off until you've started acting like a parent."
Then just stop responding to him.
If you reply to him, he will continue to push boundaries.

Also, your DC don't need this on/off contact, it's bad for their self-esteem & wellbeing. If he wants to establish a routine contact schedule, & stick to it, let him apply through court.

My children don’t want to see him either because when he comes here he just falls asleep.

STOP LETTING THIS DEADWEIGHT TOSSER INTO YOUR HOME.
He is your ex.
You owe him nothing, & certainly not hospitality.

If you make it clear that if he wants to see his DC he has to take them out & look after them himself, I expect that'll cool his jets.

I suspect he's trying to get his boots under your bed & his re-emergence has nothing to do with parenting his children.

I’m scared if I block him he will show up.

So?
You don't have to let him in.
You open a window (not your door) & tell him he doesn't have an appointment to see the kids & he needs to go away.
If he fails to go away, you call the police & have him removed.

Kowtowing to boundary pushers NEVER works - they just push harder, & you get further enmeshed.

Tell him by text message not to contact you. Keep the text so that there is proof he has been told. If he continues to contact you, go to the police and report him for harassment.

Tell him not to come to the house. Get a camera.

Tell him you won't allow him to see the children. If he does not agree, he can go to court and get an order. What's the betting he won't bother?

Thanks all I sent the text just waiting for the fall out now 😖

I do have a claim but he doesn’t work so I’m not entitled to any payments. The cheeky thing is he rents out rooms in his flat so he doesn’t have to work to avoid maintenance yet asking ME for money! It makes me wonder where all his money goes.