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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

When an outwardly "nice" person turned out not to be- but only seemingly to you?

1 reply

Chocolateballz · 23/03/2023 06:23

Getting my head around my DH's family who all seemed so nice on the outside. Yet, in reality I'm finding them very devious, calculating and needling. They are still being nice to my face, yet I know about things that have been said to someone else behind my back. However they also keep "innocently" asking me about things which you don't ask someone if you care about them. Personal things that I would obviously not wish to discuss with them but they're only asking me when DH isn't around. Things about my parents' finances- all sorts of odd things. I think SIL has possibly even posted negative reviews on my business page- the way things have been phrased and the words that have been used makes me think it's her. I can't pin down any particular clients that the comments apply to and there are three of them.They are very much about saving face and quite false to the outside world. For example, BIL and his wife separated 6 months ago and they are yet to tell the wider family; they're still pretending to the others that they're still together!

Struggling to get my head around that people can be like this. I have never been around outwardly nice people who inwardly are so caniving. I thought people were only like this in films! It is making me question myself and search for excuses for them, because they are so false with me, but I know deep down that they're not nice people, despite all of the innocent smiling.

Anyone else who knows the family will say how nice they are. I feel like I'm going mad. I will speak to DH about it soon, but I worry how he'll react.

Can anyone share stories where outwardly nice, likeable people turned out not to be? Even though other people still think they're nice?!

OP posts:
Spanisheomellletttes · 23/03/2023 07:31

If they have shown you what they are like, believe that they are like that. My only advice is to remember their behaviour and limit accordingly what you say and share.

In the past, I kept trying to give people I had liked multiple chances, because I couldn't accept or believe what they were truly like. Maybe that is human nature, trying to believe the best when exposed to bad behaviour.

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