Hello!
Back story - been with my husband for 10 years, married 7 (7 year itch?!). We have a 3 year old son whom is my world and he adores his Daddy BUT....
Since having baby (lockdown 2020!) My mental health took a turn and has made me quite an anxious person, I have tried medication and had a bad reaction to it, but have been trying therapy etc and feel it is helping me. However he is never supportive in appreciating when i have done something that previously i wouldnt have done due to my anxiety.
Husband works as a chef so is out the house from 9am-midnight 5 days per week. He has always been a chef since I have been with him and knew the hours he would be working - he lost his job a while ago and whilst looking for a new one I asked him if he could look for something with better hours to support me an our son better, there was a position open within the events kitchen at a local business which would have given him much better hours for a family life. He refused to even look at the position.
He constantly moans about the lack of time we spend together doing things, yet he works such unsocialble hours that its not possible to do these. They days off he has are the days I work. Our son is in nursery for half of these days.
He is VERY lazy. Unless asked to do something, he will do NOTHING around the house.
He has more than once missed important meetings about our son because he "overslept" - as in I have got up got me and little one ready and hes not even got out of bed by the time its time to leave. I shouldnt have to get him up and ready to should i??
I was recently very ill with covid, my little boy had a nasty stomach bug at the same time. I asked him to stay home from work as i didnt feel well enough to look after our son whilst he was ill also. He took 2 hours to decide wether to stay home at not and his first reposnse was "i cant, its busy at work".... now me being me thinks this is outrageous and family should ALWAYS come first. I had to BEG him not to go to work. He didnt in the end, but the next day got sick himself. He spent the entire day in bed whilst i had to look after myself and little one alone. He took 2 days off work as he was ill then he went back to work.
I called him 2 days after he went back to work in the middle of the day and again asked him to come home because I felt very unwell, thought i was going to pass out and little one would have been alone. He refused to come home.
Just for reference we have noone else i could have called (i dont have many friends local and family were away).
We havent had sex in over 8 months.... becuase "hes tired".
I genuinely dont want to have sex with him as find nothing about him attractive anymore. I think partly due to the below and that he doesnt make me feel attractive. Everything he says has to be some sort of joke, even if its not funny. I cant remember the last time we laughed together or he told me i was attractive.
His relationship with our son is ok from his point of view but our son has speech delay and he doesnt understsnd a word he says, (even my grandparents who see him once a month can understand what he is saying) he doesnt make an effort to learn makaton signs to communicate with him and just talks to him as if he was talking to another adult. He also is so lazy that he will fall asleep, if hes home with my son l, husband will just fall asleep on the sofa. He doesnt think of dangers - e.g if they go to feed the ducks he says "he wont fall in" when he is literally leaning over the edge of the platform. He is constantly distracted by his phone so doesnt pay attention.
I guess my point is, I am not happy in this relationship. Its not a relationship, its a friendship at best.
I dont want my son to come from a broken home but know that i dont want him growing up thinking that this is what a normal relationship looks like. Its not healthy for him.
I know i need to leave but i am not convinced my son would be safe with him on his days to have him! Not that he would intentionally harm him, but he lacks attention to keep him safe.
I get no effort from him, very little support and I feel part of my anxiety stems from him!!
Help me!
From a broken mum 💔