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Original poster

Boyfriend broke sofa during an argument

65 replies

Blashed · 22/03/2023 15:23

Hi.
Me and my partner had a bit of rough night last night with arguments Today i contacted him to seek some resolution over the phone. During the discussion he became argumentative, shouting and began punching his sofa. i didn't realise till he told me he had just broken his sofa and following that he continued to punch it yelling and then cut the phone off.

Last time he did this he punched his steering wheel during an argument and sent me a photo of his fist to show me how much he "lost it".

Is this a normal way to release anger?

OP posts:
Maray1967 · 22/03/2023 16:12

Hoppinggreen · 22/03/2023 15:29

Not normal and sending you a photo of his fist is weird and a bit scary

Yes, I’d interpret that as threatening. Dump him now.

cocksstrideintheevening · 22/03/2023 16:16

Of course it's not normal. Would you do it?

themuminator · 22/03/2023 16:25

100% red flags.
"You made me so angry I punched the steering wheel and you made me do it"! "I am hurt now because of you."
And as others say, this is intended to intimidate you, and to make you the unreasonable one in the situation. This is gaslighting.

Get away from him, do not try to talk it through, do not have contact. Now I'm 6 years out of an abusive relationship, I can see how it works.
I'm sorry you have had to experience this. Take care.

jannier · 22/03/2023 16:28

Why isn't he an x? You know how this would go if you lived together. He's called strolling you even now.

LilLilLi · 22/03/2023 16:32

No it’s not normal.

First it will be his things, then it will be yours. Your walls. Your sofa. Your face.

Beaniesmumsie · 22/03/2023 16:35

Also just want to say, please break up with him either virtually or in public, don’t do it in private, I wouldn’t trust his temper.

Hellno45 · 22/03/2023 16:41

My ex used to throw things. I didn't say a anything. Then he threw things at me. I didn't say anything. Then he threw a mirror at me while I was naked and in the bath. I was obviously no threat to him. The mirror hit the wall and shattered falling into the bath water and cutting my legs. After that he smashed the phone so i couldn't call for help. He cried, begged and threatened suicide and I stayed with him. Anyhow, then he started hitting. I still stayed. It took me 10 years to emotionally recover for this relationship. I was only young but it impacted on all my relationships after.

RUN. His behaviour WILL escalate. Don't let it get to the point that you are scared physically and emotionally by him.

lamaze1 · 22/03/2023 16:41

No it's not. Like other said he is trying to make you think you have driven him to it. It's also possibly quite a sinister way in which to scare you into submission in a "see what I'm capabqble of" / "watch your step" sort of way.

2bazookas · 22/03/2023 16:59

No, it's not normal.

One day that fist is going to punch a person. Could be you.

Pinkbonbon · 22/03/2023 17:03

No. Its a threat.
Both times he has shown/told you after his violence, what ge has done. The meaning is 'this is what I could do to you'.

He is a very dangerous person and you need to stay away from him. Or next time it'll be your stuff or your face he might punch.

Sociopaths and similar are the only people who do this shit op.

Keep him away from you.

Pinkbonbon · 22/03/2023 17:10

Prepare for suicides threats when you split with him btw (If he manages to contact you). If that happens, don't respond, just call the ambulance people and tell them the situation. That he might be bullshitting but just to let them know. He'll soon stop that shit if he gets sued for wasting emergency service time.

Alternatively, give his family/friends a heads up that you two split up and whilst you want nothing more to do with him, you think they'd better keep an eye on him.

Then block him and everyone else related to him on everything.

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 22/03/2023 17:22

You only know definitively about the sofa & steering wheel because he made sure to tell you.

Are you seriously so naive that you don't see the threat inherent in sending you a pic of his bruised fist?

Why do you feel you deserve to date an angry man who can't control himself?

happysingleversary · 22/03/2023 17:23

Run

LexMitior · 22/03/2023 17:23

No come on it's a clear "one day this is you" behaviour

Thesharkradar · 22/03/2023 17:24

what are you doing with this protohominid?

FlowerArranger · 22/03/2023 17:30

WHY DOES HE DO THAT by Lundy Bancroft is available as a free PDF online.

You really should read it,@Blashed

theWarOnPeace · 22/03/2023 17:31

The fact that he’s openly telling you that this is the way he manages his anger is chilling. He’s pushing boundaries and easing you into your future with him ‘gently’, building up what you’ll accept until the next thing he punches (and blamed for it!) will be you. It will never improve. Please don’t make it your job to try and solve this man’s deep rooted behavioural issues, cut your losses and block. If you need to explain and justify to him why you need to break up with a violent man, then there’s your answer.

BloomForever · 22/03/2023 17:33

What an idiot. I assume it's "look what you made me do?!" What a wanker.
showing you pictures of his bloody fists is also a subtle way of making you think, " next time it could be you". Leave him x

Rachaelrachael · 22/03/2023 17:35

No it's not normal, and this is only the beginning. The picture was a warning not to get on the wrong side of him. He sounds very manipulative and dangerous. I agree with a PP who said not to break up in a private place and to expect suicide threats. If I were you I wouldn't even meet up with him, I'd break up over text then block him. (I went through something similar when I was younger and he threatened suicide then made up having a brain Tumour to control me)

Snoken · 22/03/2023 17:47

Not normal. You need to be as far away from those fists as you can, people who see red like that takes it out at whatever is near and that will be you at some point.

neilyoungismyhero · 22/03/2023 17:48

I should leave the relationship before he starts using you as a punchbag...bloody idiot.

blackbeardsballsack · 22/03/2023 17:50

If I were in your position I would honestly say to him 'I am so embarrassed for you' and then never, ever see or speak to him again.

pictoosh · 22/03/2023 18:01

He punched his sofa in a temper until it broke and then advertised the fact?

What an absolute dick.

Who wants a man with a temper like that? Why does he imagine anyone would? Is he a bit short on the old grey matter as well as embarrassingly violent to inanimate objects?

Being a complete turn off asides, it might well be you in place of the sofa next time. I wouldn’t risk it.

Thesharkradar · 22/03/2023 18:08

luckily he is in the pondlife section when it comes to intelligence and instead of covering his tracks advertises his violence & criminality for all to see!
save all the photos and messages OP in case you ever need to build a case against him.
What a tool!

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