My partners ex wont leave us alone.

[ellasbowles]

My current boyfriend who I have been with for nearly 1 year has a child with another woman - whom he was with for 11 years prior. Now they have been split up for around 2 years - they was only together for the children for a couple of years prior to the actual break up. More of a best friendship. Now I am with him and he is lovely however his baggage? Not so much. Understandably, she is hurt. However she has made it her life's mission to hurt me and him and ultimately it is hurting her child. I am at a loss with it all. I feel like I am unable to share our relationship the way I want too (not very important) because even though she is blocked on social media by both of us - we both have her number so she does not leave us alone. Constant texts, calls. Making lies up and stalking my family members. He is soft because he worries she may take his children away, he's recently started to stand up for himself but i fear there's only so much I can take. It is wonderful for weeks and then she strikes again, he is there for me 100% and I can see it hurts him seeing it affect me the way it does but there's only so much I could ever expect when there is a child involved. There are no boundaries and although I trust him with my life I worry that I will break one day as this has been going on for the majority of our relationship. The child is so young so I fear this won't end soon. Please help !

Do they have a formal custody agreement? If not, there needs to be one. Your DP shouldn't be struggling with the idea of talking frankly to his ex and challenging her behaviour for fear of her keeping their child from him.

However... as a parent, he will always put his child first. You wouldn't want a man who doesn't. I really don't think I could face living with this. What a mess and what stress. Imagine trying to have your own kids together and blending sibling relationships? As hard as it is to let her 'win' I just think depending on your age and goals, maybe love isn't always enough.

I don't think you went into this with your eyes open, OP. Of course baggage is always going to be there an issue in any long-term relationship breakdown with kids.

Personally the only reason I would date someone with kids is because I have a kid myself. If I wasn't a mother, I would NEVER consider getting involved with anyone who had children from a previous relationship.

If he's doing his job right, the kids will always come dirst and you never will

You need to split up with him NOW

I speaking as someone whose DP's ex has caused him a lot of issues and continues to try to cause him issues even though he has put very firm boundaries in place.

I also know other people whose exs have tried to cause trouble. Some calm down after a few years but others like my DP's ex continue to attempt to cause problems.

The fact she has your phone number shows you how weak your bf is. She should not have any contact with you whatsoever even if she asks him for your number, as you are nothing to one another.

Sorry op, but absolutely call it a day. He has a child with this woman for life. She will never stop hounding him.

Partners are supposed to make your life easier. To bring comfort and security.

This is a year in and you're already been driven round the bend. Time to go. Before something awful like getting pregnant to him happens. Then you'd be utterly fucked.

Why’s she got your number?! If she’s being a dick he can block her too and restrict communication to email.

This is on him to manage, if he won’t then walk away.

@CremeEggThief it isn't always true that the kids always comes first. Like in relationships/marriages where there are no previous kids at times one of the adult's needs will be more important than one of the children's needs.

The issue is that the OP's bf hasn't got any boundaries.

For example I now know other separated parents where the other parent is not allowed to come to that parents house when they aren't in or at all. So if one of the children forgets something and their parent is out but a step-parent, step-sibling or whoever is in unless the child is old enough to go to their other parent's house on their own they can't have that item regardless of what it is.

What @AnneLovesGilbert said, why did she have your number in the first place?

I wonder in these situations whether there is a reason she is behaving like this? Maybe there's something you don't know about? There has to be a reason

Some people - both men and women - can't cope with the fact that an adult who has a child(ren) with them does not want to be in a relationship with them anymore.

Act like you would if she was a stranger. Harassment = call the police, have it documented. Keep a log of evidence.

Heartbreak is real, but that is what therapy is for.

If you are happy with him, don't back down. Too many women think they can bully their ex spouse's new partner into disappearing just because they haven't come to terms with the split. She needs to be taught a lesson

First of all, there's no reason on earth she should have your number. Secondly, end this nightmare. Life is too short for this bullshit.

Or accept the fact that if for whatever reason their dating lives are over, they refuse to accept that their ex spouse still has options. Sad

I was in a similar position with my ex- his ex wife would stalk me relentlessly. She got her friends to follow me places, she was driving past my work and my house, she’d send him photos from the street when I was at home, absolutely crazy. I ended it. They had kids together, she was never going to change.

There really doesn't have to be a logical reason...

Sadly I've been in this position too a few years back. Despite her cheating on her then husband multiple times & treating him like a doormat....she still caused difficulties wherever she could because she could see the man she clearly didn't want anyway could actually be happy with someone else & she could no longer manipulate him how she wanted.

If this is her mindset I don’t think there’s much point in going on with the relationship.
My ex’s ex-w was with someone else and she bombarded us with phone calls at all hours. She got pregnant by the bf and drama after drama landed on out doorstep— literally she drove to our house to tell ex, even barged into the garden while we were having Sunday lunch with his parents as she had to tell them her news. The controlling went on and on.

@Neveragain85 until you see this craziness close at hand and then find others in rl have had this madness as well, you will automatically presume that the person being contacted has done something.

Anyway even if they have done something to you why are you harassing them? Or their new partner? Or other household members? Or the new partner's family?

Sorry maybe I'm projecting. In my case the crazy ex was crazy as she was sleeping with my partner & feeling used, unknown to me. So in my situation there was a understandable reason I was just not aware of