Cyber security after breakup, help please!

Lastlongers · 22/03/2023 10:27

phonehelpplease · 22/03/2023 08:34

Broke up with DP about a month ago. DP is extremely good with tech (imo at least) and towards the end of our relationship, he became extremely paranoid to the point of obsession about me cheating (I was not) and somehow managed to gain access to things like my email, messages, iCloud, my constant location, all my accounts etc.

We ended up breaking up a month ago, and soon after I got a new phone. It's an iPhone 13 regular with the standard FaceID/6 digit PIN lock (completely new PIN unrelated to me). I made a brand new Apple ID, deleted the old one, and have reset the password on every single account.

Yesterday I went back to DP's house to get some of my things, and mistakenly left my phone on the coffee table for maybe about 1-2 minutes MAXIMUM while I went in the other room to grab some stuff. Could he have tampered with my phone in that time frame?

I'm just so worried now because I'm admittedly still not sure how he managed to gain access to everything (he never knew the PIN to my phone) so was afraid he could have done the same in that 1-2 minute time frame when I was away. Thanks...

How sure are you he gained access, is he telling you that he has or has he actually have access to it.?

1-2 minutes to break in any phone is impossible, I am in IT I've tried this on my own phone using my photo as face ID and or using finger prints of myself etc. I am guessing PIN is hard if not used before and not related to you he wont know. besides it will lock out after few attempts 10 I think.
if he says he has access to your phone and/or iCloud, perhaps he meant old, move your data from that to new, Apple support is very helpful. Also set Two Factor Authentication, maybe sound a little techie but google it.
call/chat with Apple support if you are in doubt they can identify any malicious access. don't share your location with him and block his number access and delete from contacts. Change all your social media passwords to more complex.
I am sure these are very common things I don't mean to be patronising perhaps all other told you as well.

Original poster

phonehelpplease · 22/03/2023 11:07

Thanks for the reply. I'm not very tech-y, though I'm learning, and I found out that he had 'access' to my old accounts because once he sent me a photo that was on my personal photos app (never sent it to anyone as it was just a general photo of a nice lake) as 'proof' that I was apparently lying. He also seemed to know exact details of what I'd been talking to my girlfriends about. Confronted him and he admitted that he could 'see' what I was doing in real time in terms of emails, messages, photos and all that but refused to elaborate.

Have since got a new phone and new account but was wondering if he could do what he did to my old phone/accounts in those 1-2 minutes that my phone was left unattended. If not then I should be ok, hopefully!

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DisappearingHelen · 22/03/2023 11:11

Did you also use a brand new email for your new Apple ID? And if you did, was it completely unlinked to your old emails (no inclusion of using old email addresses to use in case you're locked out etc)?

Also, did you change phone number? If he somehow has hooked your phone number to another device (I'm thinking like another Apple phone or Ipad or laptop) then there's a chance he somehow may have had access to texts to your phone number.

I agree with PP that it's very hard to break into a PIN or Face ID phone and he wouldn't have been able to do it in the time you'd left it. It takes a lot of specialist equipment and skills to do it. That being said do lock your phone and see what he might have had access to from the locked phone - for example, I can take pictures with my locked phone but other photos cannot be viewed from this state. He might have been able to use Siri for example but she's pretty good about insisting on unlocking the phone for anything private!

DisappearingHelen · 22/03/2023 11:14

He's sounds horrific btw. And you're strong as heck moving on from him and his creepiness.

Do keep learning. There's lots of free info available online and from government sites. There's also things like https://www.amazon.co.uk/Smart-Girls-Guide-Privacy-Practical/dp/1593276486 (not a perfect source of info but pretty good imo!). :)

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https://www.amazon.co.uk/Smart-Girls-Guide-Privacy-Practical/dp/1593276486?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-relationships-4768576-cyber-security-after-breakup-help-please

Original poster

phonehelpplease · 22/03/2023 11:42

DisappearingHelen · 22/03/2023 11:11

Did you also use a brand new email for your new Apple ID? And if you did, was it completely unlinked to your old emails (no inclusion of using old email addresses to use in case you're locked out etc)?

Also, did you change phone number? If he somehow has hooked your phone number to another device (I'm thinking like another Apple phone or Ipad or laptop) then there's a chance he somehow may have had access to texts to your phone number.

I agree with PP that it's very hard to break into a PIN or Face ID phone and he wouldn't have been able to do it in the time you'd left it. It takes a lot of specialist equipment and skills to do it. That being said do lock your phone and see what he might have had access to from the locked phone - for example, I can take pictures with my locked phone but other photos cannot be viewed from this state. He might have been able to use Siri for example but she's pretty good about insisting on unlocking the phone for anything private!

Yes, brand new email for AppleID. Previous email was filled with junk and at the time I was honestly overwhelmed and wanted to get it over with so deleted my old hotmail and changed the associated email for all my other accounts (amazon etc) and passwords on my new phone.

I can't change my number because I've had it for more than a decade and all my work stuff is linked to it, but I did https://support.apple.com/en-gb/HT203042 which might help? Just using WhatsApp now and under 'linked devices' there doesn't seem to be any other device there.

It does make me feel relieved that it's unlikely he broke in though. Saw a post just now on another site where it says that it's 'game over' the moment someone has physical access to your phone but it seems like it's something that will take a substantially longer time to accomplish. Gosh there's so much to learn. I'm trying!

Deregister iMessage on your iPhone or online

If you switched to a non-Apple phone and aren't getting SMS/MMS messages, you might need to deregister iMessage.

https://support.apple.com/en-gb/HT203042

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Original poster

phonehelpplease · 22/03/2023 11:43

DisappearingHelen · 22/03/2023 11:14

He's sounds horrific btw. And you're strong as heck moving on from him and his creepiness.

Do keep learning. There's lots of free info available online and from government sites. There's also things like https://www.amazon.co.uk/Smart-Girls-Guide-Privacy-Practical/dp/1593276486 (not a perfect source of info but pretty good imo!). :)

Thanks for the recommendation. Will check this out at my local library!

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