was listening to radio 4 this am about a woman who realised late in life through therapy that her mother was a narcissist and how badly it has impacted on her.
It made me think about myself and how I am not really a person who is appealing to others.
My positive things are i have a good long marriage and adult children with partners who I get on with .
I have had a successful career but haven't really made any meaningful relationships despite working alongside people for many years .
The negative things are I do not really have friends that i could call on or talk honestly with . Although i do have quite a few people i meet from time to time for coffee etc but if im honest these meetings are almost always instigated by me.
There have been 3 occasions where i have believed myself to be very friendly with people but they eventually cut ties although in each case i do not have enough insight to work out why.
I was close to my sister but in the past few years that relationship has dramatically deteriorated in part due to a partner she has. I think i am also jealous of her but really have no real reason to be jealous.
I think I am very judgmental although i don't set out to be and dwell on things a lot. I think i am also passive aggressive and do not have mature conversations about things i find upsetting but instead do things like not answer the phone or text messages.
I amin a new phase of life and would like to be a better person but I just cannot seem to control myself enough to make changes.
Sorry for the rant it was hearing that interview that made me question my own character
Should i consider therapy? I'm not sure i could afford it but maybe some self help books .
Any ideas or pointers would be very welcome