AIBU getting thanks from Mum

[WorkHardPlayHard1]

I am so frustrated and upset.

Basically my Mum has been an OK mum but I lived with grandparents til 12 who did most of child care from what I remember and then mum left to move in with her boyfriend and I kicked off to come too so did.

Before that she had a string of boyfriends and after that relationship ended after 7 years all my cards say Happy Birthday from Mum and Dave, Mum & Steve (insert random name of new boyfriend)

Despite this I took myself to uni and made a successful family and business for myself. Her motivation when going was "well I never stopped you going" and I paid for keep when home by temping. No fuss, no things for new uni place, no congrats. Nothing.

Mum is kind and a good listener but terrible at saying thanks and giving any compliment at all.

I try and stay positive but after pulling out all the stops for a mothers day show that she would like (other 4 would put up with) got a text to say "thanks for today and the money despite our personality clashes) honestly I am so triggered why can't she say thanks for being a wonderful daughter XXX and leave it at that? Argh

Why do you call her an Ok mum when she was otherwise absent in your childhood?. I’d call her self centred and selfish, not kind and or a good listener. There is nothing in your post that indicates either re her given her comments.

It ok to be angry and talking to a therapist re your childhood would be worth considering. It’s not your fault she is like this and you did not make her that way either. Such people also do not change.

Aw thank you. I think I've been a selfish daughter for a few years too but I never seem to get what I need.

I would like
"Thank you for being an amazing daughter."
When I've done well it's not because of me but because of her. Seriously what kid pays for her own keep when she comes back home from uni? What kid buys all her own graduation stuff?
What kid doesn't know the name of her own father until she is 28??
I want her to be a normal middle class mum like all my friends. Do normal mums even exist?

She wont change op. Its hard agree. Mine always so negative. I didnt make a big fuss for mothers day. The kids get nothing. Its crap.

These are the cards you were dealt. I don’t think you got an ok mum, I think you got a rubbish one, so did I. And yes I paid keep when I came back from university and never mind paying for my own graduation, I had to take a paper round to pay for my own school uniform from the age of twelve. (I had to get a medical to be approved for working at the age of 12 and this was in the 80s but it was still unusual).

I think there are loads of normal mums. But you and I didn’t get one, I eventually came to terms with that but I was low contact with my parents throughout my adulthood until they passes away. They reaped what they showed.

They will never say what we wish they would say. It sounds like you’ve made a wonderful life for yourself. Try and focus your attention on all that good stuff. Or give yourself a set time with a therapist to examine the difficult relationship you have so it doesn’t become all consuming. Bravo on overcoming a difficult childhood and not letting it stop your path to success.

Thank you so much @Santasoorplooms I'll try & keep my focus 😘