Post separation abuse and warning the next woman

[TitaniumTess]

Advice please.

I was in a horrible relationship - emotional abuse and coercive control, which started when I was pregnant with our child. Using domestic abuse counselling support I managed to leave the relationship and ask my ex to leave the home.

If I am honest, his behaviour after us separating surprised me. Through handovers of our child, texts, court proceedings, his abuse has never really stopped. He just finds new ways to keep it going.

My ex had a new girlfriend last year. It didn't last long. I've spoken to her and the behaviour sounded similar to how he treated me - unpleasant, scary...

My ex has now started a relationship with another girlfriend who is vulnerable. She has two small children. I hate watching it. Is it wrong to tip her off? Apparently there's a whole group of friends around her concerned but I don't think that anyone's actually telling her.

I am happier than when I lived with my ex but I still feel like I drown in air some days. When does it all get better? Has anyone got any tips on how to deal with the lingering feeling of anger that the ex has got away with their abusive behaviour?

Thanks in advance.

I think if you warn her it will just look like sour grapes (or at least thats how he will spin it).

You've got to believe that karma will triumph in the end. He hasnt got away with it with you though, you kicked him into touch. Well done!

She may not listen I'm afraid as the poster above has said.

Are the police aware of her involvement? You could possibly ask for a welfare check on her but that would be very intrusive and possibly not appreciated.

I know what you're saying. But unless a man has been reported to the police there is very little in the way of an "early warning system" for abusive men.

Do you know his new girlfriend? I was just wondering how you would contact her anyway.

But no, not a good idea. She'll just think you're the crazy ex.

Could you contact her concerned friends to confirm what they seem to suspect?

He's logged with the police as I did a number of 101s. He's a scary man.

Good call ref the friends. I think he's just in the early being lovely stage with her....

But I just didn't see what was happening to me for years x

I don’t know whether you should say something or not, but if you were going to say something I would simply suggest she make a Clare’s Law request on him.

I would definitely speak to her in a calm, factual way to tell her some of the ways he reeled you in followed by the ways he abused you. Tell her you have no feelings for him but you do not want to see an innocent woman hurt by him. Do not put it in writing, he’ll use it against you.

Thanks all. I don't know the new girlfriend but she's also at the school gate. He hasn't travelled far...!

@FishChipsMushyPeas. Thank you. I wrestle daily with the fact that I got into that relationship in the first place, what our child used to see...and the fact I miss our child when they're with their Dad now. I truly hope that karma works as it doesn't appear to have so far. Xxxx