Husband and I separated last Feb, we now live in separate houses and are co-parenting our two kids. Everything is fairly amicable. I am struggling though because I miss him a lot more than I expected. He was my best friend, and although physically the relationship had died, and a gulf had appeared between us so in the end I decided I couldn't carry on like that, it was a really difficult decision to make and I've wondered if I've done the right thing. But when I think about being intimate with him, or sharing a bed with him again, I know I have, because I don't want to do those things at all. The problem is, I don't want to do them with anyone! I've tried dating sites but have no real interest in meeting anyone else - partly I think because I still feel like I'd be cheating on my ex. The other issue is that the sexual problems in my marriage have put me off sex completely. Don't want to go into too many details, but after 17 years of erectile dysfunction (which he brushed aside as a non-issue), I had started to very firmly believe I was the problem. Now I don't feel like a sexual human being.
Is this normal? Writing it down, it doesn't look all that normal! Has anyone experienced anything similar - and will these feelings pass? Will I eventually start feeling happy again and not like I'm going to die alone? I am mid 40s, have a good job, the kids are fine, I own a house that I love, I have nice friends, and I am not unpleasing on the eye. I'm just sad all the time. Things will get better, won't they? I've been to the doc for depression - and I have anxiety anyway - but they decided it was too low a level to medicate, and I don't really want that anyway. Had CBT but it wasn't particularly helpful.