I feel like DH is an alcoholic but he doesn't care.

[Reallyworriedsick]

My DH has always enjoyed a drink, as do i. In the past few years though, he has began to drink more heavily, in fact, every day. I can't remember the last day he went 24hrs without drinking, it's been years now.

He works, and he only drinks after work. He doesn't drink and drive, he isn't aggressive, and he's a good husband and father. BUT he drinks so much so often, i am v.worried about his health.

He's a couple of stone overweight now, and although his sex drive has always been lower than mine, it's basically gone now, and i'm quite sad about this.

I've tried saying things like 'oh shall we both have a quiet night tomorrow and not have any booze' and i've tried telling him i'm worried he drinks too much, but i don't feel he listens, or takes me seriously.

I don't know if he can stop drinking now, i really don't. Last night for example, he drank about 9 cans of beer between coming home from work and going to bed. He drinks more at weekends. Usually he's already got and opened a can of beer before he comes into the living room after work.

Does anyone have any experience of this? I love him very much, but i'm starting to feel worried and let down by it all.

My ex DP was like this. Eventually I decided that we obviously had different priorities in life and we (sadly) split up. Drinking was not they only issue but it was a big contributor.

You need to sit down and tell him how worried you are. If he's not willing to cut down/compromise for you then you need to ask yourself whether you prepared to turned a blind eye for the sake of all the good things. Is where you are now acceptible for you in the long term?

i don't know.

i miss a sex life, but mostly i worry he'll end up with liver problems, or cancer. his mother died from cancer, i couldn't bear to see him go that way.

i don't think it's a healthy example for our kids either.

I think that talking with Al-anon may be helpful for you as they can help family members of problem drinkers. Will put up their details for you. Please seek their help.

You cannot rescue or save someone who ultimately may not want to be saved. Many such people with alcohol problems are very good and denial and manipulation. You need outside support, you cannot do this on your own. Presumably as well hardly anyone in your real life knows about his drinking problem.

He is neither a good husband or father to you and your children respectively. Alcohol is coming first and foremost in his life and everyone else comes a dim and distant second. You are right - it is certainly not a healthy example for your children to see.

Al-anon
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I have to disagree, he is obviously still beimg a good husband and father, just one with issues.
The obvious reaction is to judge, but as the OP has mentioned he is functioning in those capacities , which is more than can be sad for some.

Attilla- he IS a good husband and father, he works hard, he loves us and demonstrates this. He plays with the kids, reads to them,provides for them, loves me and tells me so...it's just that once he's home from work it's beer after beer, and he can't see the problem. And on the contrary, plenty of people know he 'likes a drink'- family AND friends.

I think i'll try to make my worries more plain at the weekend. What i'd really like is for him to have a booze-free day during the week, but part of me wonders if he can anymore

Alcoholism becomes a way of life for everyone around them and you're well and truly stuck on the merry go round. Your family and friends do not likely realise the full extent of his drinking problem as you've likely not told them or tried to hide it from them - it is affecting him along with you and your family to its detriment. You have no sex life and he's not listening to your concerns even though you worry about the amount of drink he's consuming. You're not even sure if he can manage an alcohol free day any more - what does all that also tell you?. Your children are likely picking up vibes that you're unhappy and something is wrong.

Certainly have a go at putting your concerns across to him at the weekend but you may not get very far as he may turn it around and blame everyone and anyone else. I note he drinks more then and has neither listened or taken you seriously before. I would still urge you to contact Al-anon for their support and advice.

I have some experience of this as my DH is a recovering alcoholic. His drinking pattern was very similar to the one you describe. I'm happy to share our experience if you think it would help you.

My DH has now been completely dry for over one year and is an AA member. He is working through the 12 steps and I am immensely proud of him. Things can change but he has to want to do it and recognise that he has a problem. In some respects the fact that he appears to be functioning in all sorts of ways might prevent him recognising this fact. Quite honestly things got worse with us so slowly it was hard to spot the gradual decline. Things might be more obvious to outsiders.

Anyway, happy to share more if you like. As Attila says, Al-anon can be a source of help for you.