Sex and consent

[PeacefulPottering]

My previous partner came home from the pub and we started to have sex. He decided to put his fist in me and I was so horrified I lay there and let him. I feel so traumatised by this now I can't understand it. I feel so horrified and dirty. It's played on my mind all these years. Part of me knows I never consented to it but I lay there inn shock, and allowed him to do it. I feel horrendous about it.

It's ten years ago. But I still think about it. Why do we let me do this to our bodies? Why did I think it was okay?

Men

Sorry you feel traumatised by this, I don’t think you have anything to feel guilty about in freezing or not stopping him, as the freeze thing is well documented as part of the whole “fight fright or freeze” reactions.

im not sure where you go from here, if it impacts your current relationship or sex life then perhaps some counselling? Or at least for future relationships it’s worth discussions ahead of time about boundaries and sexual preferences etc… as many acts that some find enjoyable could be abhorrent to others and there are many many shades of grey where sex is concerned!

Yeah agree, but the onus for that though is on the man, before he sticks his fist inside her. It’s not on the woman to guess beforehand what perversions he might want to do and make sure she rules them out.

OP, you did nothing wrong, you need to be kinder to yourself, you were shocked, that’s why you didn’t react. It’s a perfectly normal reaction, you’re not responsible for this. Maybe some therapy to talk it through might help?

Freezing when someone assaults you is completely normal. You go into shock. I’m so sorry that happened to you but pleased you’re not with him anymore.