DF and me ....

[tonystarksrighthand]

Let me start by saying I am fully aware my family dynamic is quite dysfunctional and always has been.

DM - alcoholic, sober now 20 years

DF left DM 30 years ago for a younger model, we have never got on. Just kind of put up with each other, but 2 years ago that changed and we no longer speak.

Now DF has always been a good provider, he feels strong about family etc, enjoys having the GC (his partner doesn't but does it for DF) he is on our lives daily and likes to be present in our lives. Always has been.

Here is my question and I just need some kind of fucking help because I hate feeling this. DF puts me down, he criticises me, said I'll be single forever and end up like an old maid (I'm 46 and VERY happy single) I have a DS by choice on my own. We are a happy small family unit.

But my DF can make me feel a little girl again, being told off, I feel like shit today, he's had a go at me for not being social, not having a man, not being forgiving and I'm "not right" to be honest there is some truth in this.

I don't trust people, I don't want to get hurt in a relationship, I have a stable life for my DS, I earn well, we are healthy.

He's walked away this eve saying I'll regret all this and die with nobody etc and he will die sad and I'll be a lonely old maid.

I'm gutted, the feeling I'm not good enough, I've disappointment him again and he is never proud of me.

I don't know what I'm trying to say really. Just why do I feel so vulnerable, pain, hurt and sad why my DF says these things to me. It leaves me so low.

Thanks for listening

I don't know what I'm trying to say really. Just why do I feel so vulnerable, pain, hurt and sad why my DF says these things to me. It leaves me so low.

Because he's your dad and he has the all the tools to hurt you, and thinks nothing of doing so. Because someone who ought to just love and support you instead chooses to put you down.

I think you'd be happier with less contact with him. And you're probably going to say something about the grandchildren, but honestly, him cutting their mother down is bad for them, and he'll likely visit this sort of emotional abuse on them too, given the chance.

And if you're "not right" he needs look no further than the mirror to know why. Prick. (Sorry, but it makes me angry on your behalf).

He sounds horrible. I don't know how old your ds is, but I really hope your father isn't talking to you like this in front of him. At your age you're about due the beginning of a power-shift in the parent-child relationship. It's time for you to stand up for yourself, calmly point out that he's talking old-fashioned nonsense, and warn him that you won't tolerate being spoken to like that.

He's just plain wrong. It's great that you're happy single. A lot of women are!

You keep him away from you. And from your precious dc.
I am nc with dm and df and no way in Hell they would be seeing my dc.
You need to see a therapist if you believe he is appropriate to have in your dc's life...

He sounds horrible and is no example to your child. I would cease all contac5 immediately

Keep that awful man the hell away from your child.

What on earth are you thinking having contact with such a man.

Cease all contact.