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Original poster

Major love bombing before we've even met

28 replies

Purplesv · 20/03/2023 20:40

I've been talking to a man online for the past two weeks and we were scheduled to meet this week.

Unfortunately this all coincides with a new and pretty scary diagnosis I've just received and am still coming to terms with, after we 'met' online.

He just doesn't stop texting and calling. Constantly. It's blatant love bombing and i told him he needs to reign it in.

Against my better judgement I was upfront about my health problem and why I will be less available to call/text as I felt he would therefore understand but nope, he's just becoming more and more intense and going on like we've known one another for years.

He has been talking about meeting his family, showing me off etc despite me having backed off and barely engaging.

It's just too much and I don't need this right now.

I'm cautious about ghosting/blocking with no explanation as he knows enough about me to be able to be a nuisance if he chooses to. How concerned need I be? He sounds bonkers doesn't he?

OP posts:
Needapadlockonmyfridge · 20/03/2023 20:43

Bonkers.

Honestly, I would block. It sounds as if you have enough on your plate already.

Marchforward · 20/03/2023 20:43

Yep. Tell him you need to focus on your health and nothing else so can’t meet and then block.

Newusernameaug · 20/03/2023 20:51

Yes he does, I’d just say you have too much else going on and now isn’t the right time for you to be dating or even speaking to someone as you don’t have the emotional capacity and you’re finding this draining not helpful

OneMoreCookieMonster · 20/03/2023 20:52

Marchforward · 20/03/2023 20:43

Yep. Tell him you need to focus on your health and nothing else so can’t meet and then block.

This. At least you've not met yet

Original poster
Purplesv · 20/03/2023 20:53

I'm thinking to send a very straight to the point text in the morning cancelling the meet for definite (having already said its looking unlikely I'll be able to come) and then when he continues to push, which he will, I'll then use that as the opportunity to block as he isn't listening to me.

I just have a really bad feeling about it to be honest. He's obviously not normal but did a good enough job of pretending to be for the first week or so.

OP posts:
GoldDuster · 20/03/2023 20:57

Get rid, you owe him absolutely nothing, don't let him manipulate you.

Nutty as a fruitcake.

Watchkeys · 20/03/2023 21:01

You can't keep going though, due to being worried about what he'll do if you don't keep going.

Get rid. Do it kindly if you're worried he'll be a pain. Block. If he bothers you after you've told him to leave you alone, contact the police.

GingerBoot · 20/03/2023 21:02

So what exactly does he know about you after two weeks of online chat that could make him a nuisance if you should block him? I have a feeling this is going to be a drip, drip story so cab we just clarify that you mean he'd know how to find you in person if he wanted, as in white you work or train or live?

Aquamarine1029 · 20/03/2023 21:02

Text him to say you will no longer be communicating with him and for him to please leave you alone. Then block immediately. Don't respond if he gets through before you block him.

Original poster
Purplesv · 20/03/2023 21:04

GingerBoot · 20/03/2023 21:02

So what exactly does he know about you after two weeks of online chat that could make him a nuisance if you should block him? I have a feeling this is going to be a drip, drip story so cab we just clarify that you mean he'd know how to find you in person if he wanted, as in white you work or train or live?

He knows my full name which when googled brings up an article about my place of work.

OP posts:
Original poster
Purplesv · 20/03/2023 21:07

He might never bother looking of course but I get the impression he's the sort that would. I might be over thinking. I'm just weirded out by how intense he is.

OP posts:
GingerBoot · 20/03/2023 21:08

You make it clear you have no interest whatsoever (you don't have to give him reasons) and then block him and then hope he gets the message. If not, first sign of him turning up or contacting you in work, you phone the police. No ifs, buts or maybes.

callthataspade · 20/03/2023 21:08

Do you know anything about him? Like his full name or where he works?

Not that it makes it any better but just trying to think if that might stop him being a total weirdo

Sorry for your diagnosis. Hope you're okay. To be even even without all this going on I'd be blocking and swerving this guy anyway

Original poster
Purplesv · 20/03/2023 21:13

I'll definitely be making myself clear on the matter and won't hesitate to report him if he doesn't leave me alone.

I do know his full name and where he works yes, he co-owns a business with a relative so there isn't any higher ups I could report him to unfortunately.

Hopefully he'll accept there won't be a meeting and obliges to leave me be.

I've never come across anybody like that before, carrying on like that before we've even met. Bizarre.

OP posts:
pictoosh · 20/03/2023 21:19

Just be honest.
You’re too full on. It’s too much and I no longer wish to meet. Maybe think about dialing it all back a bit when you’re dating in the future. Good luck.

pictoosh · 20/03/2023 21:19

Then block.

Spottycarousel · 20/03/2023 21:48

I would explain that you're really sorry but due to your health you've realised you can't focus on developing any sort of relationship and it wouldn't be fair to either of you to try. Wish him well and block.

Watchkeys · 20/03/2023 21:56

pictoosh · 20/03/2023 21:19

Just be honest.
You’re too full on. It’s too much and I no longer wish to meet. Maybe think about dialing it all back a bit when you’re dating in the future. Good luck.

No! You're not his advisor, OP. Don't do anything that'll potentially get his back up, if you're worried about his attitude. Just politely reverse out of the situation.

Original poster
Purplesv · 20/03/2023 22:06

Spottycarousel · 20/03/2023 21:48

I would explain that you're really sorry but due to your health you've realised you can't focus on developing any sort of relationship and it wouldn't be fair to either of you to try. Wish him well and block.

I think this angle may work best with somebody like him, it will hopefully feel less personal and there's nothing he could do to change it either.

He absolutely knows he's too much and tries to make light of it often. He said he feels selfish demanding so much of my time when I'm ill etc.

I said so stop trying to do it then. I reiterated I'm busy, dealing with ill health, children etc.

He has the hide of a rhino.

God help the next woman.

OP posts:
Original poster
Purplesv · 20/03/2023 22:09

I've got an appointment to discuss major surgery in the morning and I'm up fretting about this idiot. It's ridiculous to have so much faff with somebody I don't even know. Roll on being rid.

OP posts:
Spottycarousel · 20/03/2023 22:11

I would feel exactly the same. In my experience being diplomatic and sensitive tends to work better than pointing out faults and being confrontational. I hope that's the case for you and you don't hear from him again.

GingerBoot · 20/03/2023 22:27

I'm not sure I understand your reasoning for waiting. Why can't you just message him (if you really feel you must) and blocking him now? You have other things going on that you need to concentrate on so why keep letting it continue?

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 20/03/2023 22:51

He doesn't deserve it but, as a previous poster said, it's better to lean into propping up his ego rather than telling him how he is wrong. So tell him he should find someone who can give him the time he deserves, it's a shame the timing is off but you won't be able to give any time to anyone outside of your immediate family.

I hope your treatment goes well and that you get the peace that you need to cope with it.

GingerBoot · 20/03/2023 23:05

So tell him he should find someone who can give him the time he deserves, it's a shame the timing is off but you won't be able to give any time to anyone outside of your immediate family.

If he's as unhinged as OP fears, telling him he deserves more/different will only make him think OP just needs time to get over whatever medical issue she has (I'm not trivialising it, just what he might think), that he'll wait for her, that he'll care for and look after her. It's just giving him false hope that one day things might be different and he should therefore stick around and stay in touch. I think best option is to be straight, she's simply not interested. No reasons or explanations. No reason for him to think she might one day have time for him. She's 'known' him two weeks, she owes him nothing.

MrsClatterbuck · 21/03/2023 00:04

GingerBoot · 20/03/2023 23:05

So tell him he should find someone who can give him the time he deserves, it's a shame the timing is off but you won't be able to give any time to anyone outside of your immediate family.

If he's as unhinged as OP fears, telling him he deserves more/different will only make him think OP just needs time to get over whatever medical issue she has (I'm not trivialising it, just what he might think), that he'll wait for her, that he'll care for and look after her. It's just giving him false hope that one day things might be different and he should therefore stick around and stay in touch. I think best option is to be straight, she's simply not interested. No reasons or explanations. No reason for him to think she might one day have time for him. She's 'known' him two weeks, she owes him nothing.

THIS